This is one of the best photos I've ever taken.

I was just at the Verizon Wireless store downtown, which I find to be a depressing place because it’s where I learn the cold, hard facts about the embarrassing number of text messages I send (319, somehow, in August). But as I was waiting for my turn at the counter, numbly reading the backs of Blackberry boxes, in walked none other than Mr. Balloons!

“Hi Steve,” said the Verizon clerk.
“You can call me Mr. Balloons!” said Mr. Balloons. He had a large black bag full of thin balloons and a large black cape and large black top hat. Mr. Balloons, like us mortals, had to pay his cell phone bill. But unlike us, he could twist balloon animals while he waited. He’s offered up balloon animals to the children at various outdoor festivals around town this summer. Maybe you’ve seen him.

This is one of the best photos Ive ever taken.
  • This is one of the best photos I’ve ever taken.

“What the kind of balloon do people want most?” I asked.
“Swords. Everybody wants a sword,” said Mr. Balloons, twisting me an orange flower.
“What’s the most popular animal?” I asked.
“Dragons. Dragons are a three balloon deal. They’re big,” said Mr. Balloons. “But I don’t do them except for tips. Not unless the person tips $5 or more.”
“I understand that, using three balloons must cost you more,” I affirmed.
“How did you know I use three balloons?” asked Mr. Balloons, suspiciously.
“You just said it,” I replied.
“Hm…” replied Mr. Balloons. He started twisting a poodle on a leash for the Verizon clerk.

“Thanks,” said the Verizon clerk, handing the small pink poodle off to the manager. “Take this poodle on a leash for a walk.”
“I’ll need to bring along a plastic bag,” joked the manager. THANKS MR. BALLOONS!!

Sarah Shay Mirk reported on transportation, sex and gender issues, and politics at the Mercury from 2008-2013. They have gone on to make many things, including countless comics and several books.

10 replies on “Say Hello to Mr. Balloons!”

  7. I laughed at the display of your investigative reporting skills, S.Mirk – “How did YOU know I use three balloons?” Always there with the tough facts! 🙂

  9. Sarah, you can check your text usage anytime for free by dialing #DATA on your phone. Then you receive a free text message w/the # of texts you’ve sent, received etc.

  10. Sarah, don’t worry–319 texts in a month doesn’t sound hugely excessive. Also, while I assume you have an unlimited texting plan, I thought I’d mention how you can find out for free if you can get a better rate with Verizon as there generally is room to lower your costs. I work for the consumer advocacy division of the company Validas, where we electronically audit and subsequently reduce the average cell bill by 22 percent through our website, http://www.fixmycellbill.com. Validas is the wireless bodyguard protecting against frivolous charges that over-inflate 8 out of 10 cell bills. You can find out for free if fixmycellbill.com can modify your wireless plan to better suit your usage by going to the website.

    For more info, check out Validas in the national news media, most recently on Fox News at http://www.myfoxtampabay.com/dpp/consumer/… .

    Good luck on cutting your wireless expenses, especially in light of this tough economy.

    Dylan
    Consumer Advocacy, FixMyCellBill.com

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