Surely you know of Portland artist Andrew Zubko‘s hilarious painting entitled “Batman vs. Shark” that’s taken the internet by storm, yes? Here it is again.
Anyway, GET THIS: We’ve commissioned Andrew to create a cover for the Portland Mercury… AND YOU GET TO DECIDE WHAT IT WILL LOOK LIKE!
Andrew will combine three objects into one painting—like he did with Batman, shark, and light sabre—to create a hilarious Mercury cover, and YOU will dream up and decide what those three things will be! So in the comments below, submit your short list of ideas for the following three topics:
Subject of the Painting: President Obama, panda bear, Patrick Swayze, howling wolf, Keyboard Cat … anybody or anything as long as it’s NOT A COPYRIGHT PROTECTED CHARACTER. (No Batmans, Garfields, or Captain Kirks, but William Shatner is okay.)
What the Subject is Holding: An uzi, a taco, a bloody shovel, a rocket launcher, a He-Man sword, a kitten… you name it!
What the Subject is Riding/Fighting/Hugging: A dinosaur, a lunar rover, an H-bomb, a kitten, a William Shatner… again, you name it!
We’ll gather up the best of your answers, put them in a poll, and let you vote on it starting tomorrow! The top vote-getter in each category will be sent to Andrew who will fashion your choices INTO THE GREATEST MERCURY COVER EVER SEEN BY HUMAN EYES! (Might take a couple weeks though.)
So what are you waiting for? LEAVE YOUR IDEAS IN THE COMMENTS BELOW!
Eric Estrada, a sunset, and a hamburger.
valdimir putin, kitten, riding t-rex
Kiala, Alison and Marjorie Jello wrestling. I’m sorry. I couldn’t help myself.
Smirk kicking Graham in the nuts. I think that would bring some resolution to things.
Reginald Vel Johnson, a Glaive, and Glo-Worm.
Reginald Vel Johnson can be substituted out for Charles S. Dutton, if the artist prefers.
Betty White with a battle axe riding Bambi
OH SHIT.
Wilford Brimley, with the Sword of Omens, on a Pug.
Sam Adams getting spanked by a priest with a spatula.
First of all, ujfoyt’s idea should not be wasted on an artist’s depiction. I’m thinking live event for charity. I don’t think I could even tell you right now how much money I’d give to Outside In to see that.
For the cover, though:
Randy Leonard, wielding a rocket launcher, astride a saddled-and-bridled Lars Larson.
OR
Former BTA lobbyist Michelle Poyouroux (sp?), gripping a giant bolt of lightning, riding a wheelie-popped bicycle on the Hawthorne Bridge wearing the Carrie-Fisher-Jabba’s-Palace costume.
Marlon Brando punching a viking in the desert.
Morrissey, Sawed Off Shotgun, Fighting Daleks (or generic vampirish Robots if that’s too copyright infringing)
Liza Minnelli on a shitter mowing the lawn. That just makes sense.
Ted Danson, a Yugo, Spaghetti Monster
the blue angels and tie fighters flying over the made in oregon sign, giant kittens with lazer eyes, swimming pool with debutantes in floss while notorius b.i.g gets interviewed by robin leach in front of the willamette with killer whales jumping and trainers doing handstands on their noses
Genghis Khan. Blanket. Giant Lobster. on Mars
A zombie atop the eiffel tower throwing cupcakes.
A pie fight between a Transformer version of Obama and a Dinosaur version of Tim “The Toolman” Taylor.
Greg Oden Riding a Giant Rooster holding a large Sword
Greg Oden Riding a Giant Rooster holding his large cock
Terry O’Quinn (as himself, not John Locke) pointing a banana like a gun, while riding on the shoulders of Bigfoot.
Dom DeLuise cracking a whip while riding a tower of children who are all riding on each others shoulders.
As a refinement to my original post, we could add Courtney to the mix and have tag team Jello wrestling. Huzzah
Angkor Wat, a merkin, and Towelie (wanna get high?)
Early-TekWar-era Shatner, holding a mini-TV-Star-Trek-era Shatner, doing battle with a Priceline-era Shatner.
Great painting. Here’s a link to an artist whom appears to be an inspiration for Andrew.
http://www.brandonbird.com/paintings.html
Oprah, holding tiny Oprah, riding giant Oprah
*Vikings with AK-47 riding T-rexs
*A dozen mini-Napoleons on the moon fighting zombie baristas.
*Jesus in a rap battle with Dick Cheney.
*Vampires on bicycles attacking the internation space station.
*A robot Hunter S. Thompson playing tennis in City Hall.
A viking with a skull head, wearing only a fur loincloth, brandishing a flaming chainsaw, fighting a giant crocodile with razors strapped to its claws. Also the crocodile has a bomb strapped to its head. And Holy Diver is playing in the background.
Sasquatch sitting on a fallen tree in a lush Pacific NW forest reading…
Hundreds of John Ritter heads emerging from cocoons hanging from the Avatar Tree of Life, with the biggest Big Gulp ever at the base of the tree. But it’s surrounded by spikes! In the background is Meghan McCain about to be crushed in a trash compactor, and a secret tube is connecting the compactor to the Big Gulp, aka the new Sap of Life is her guts.
Freddie Mercury singing on top of the Planet Mercury using a broken thermometer as a microphone so that he is covered in Mercury and then have the mic stand fashioned as the Portland city flag poked into the surface to claim the territory for the town. Have some broken up bicycle-powered space ship smoking in the foreground for all the green people.