After a recent Bieber-infused info leak, last night’s official announcement of Gears of War 3 on Late Night With Jimmy Fallon came as a shock to no one.
Unable to comprehend a situation in which he isn’t the four-foot-tall center of attention, de facto series spokesman and Epic Games Design Director Cliff Blitzkrieg Blazkowicz Bleszinski opted to garner attention via a method prominent scientists will probably never call “The Lohan.”
The method is as effective as it is deviously simple: When faced with any situation that could possibly distract TMZ’s Max Hodges from the fleeting moments of your precious news cycle, you point below the belt …
… and directly at your awesome bajingo!
Thus, unlike the last two Gears of War games, Gears 3 introduces a decidedly more distaff version of the series’ generically gritty space marines. So far there is no word on whether the Locust grunts will rock a similarly enlightened suffrage program, but we expect any Lady Locusts to look like a cross between a shaved, naked Kelsey Grammer, and, well, regular Kelsey Grammer.
What I’m trying to say is that Kelsey Grammer is a space monster with a vagina where his penis should be.
And he was great on Cheers. Nice job Kelsey. Real nice job.
Christ, a year from now? That’s FOREVVVVVVVERRRRRR
On the upside, I guess, maybe I’ll have finally finished Mass Effect 2 and Dragon Age: Origins by then.