Meet the Newest Blazers

Update the census, we have some new Blazers moving to town. After Paul Allen was finished kicking Trail Blazers fans in the soul by firing Kevin Pritchard on draft night—consensus joke: it’s like killing Santa on Christmas Eve—the Blazers got down to drafting. First, they traded Martell Webster to Minnesota for Ryan Gomes (and his tantalizing bloated contract) plus the 16th pick, Luke Babbitt. From Nevada (remember that, we’ll be right back with the Wolfpack in a moment), Babbitt is a great shooter who has been crowned “The Next Larry Bird,” which is just a horribly lazy way of saying he is white and will never be as good as Larry Bird.

Want another TNLB? Adam Morrison. Well, to be fair, he did get the mustache part right.

Following the draft of Larry Legend 2.0, the Blazers took Duke’s Elliot Williams with the 22nd pick. A small point guard with a great scoring touch, which means Andre Miller, Jerryd Bayless, and Travis Diener must be thrilled to have another piranha in the tank. At the 34th pick, the Blazers took Babbitt’s teammate Armon Johnson, another guard. Considering these picks, plus the expiring/tradable contracts of Joel Przybilla, Miller, and Gomes, one would suspect this Blazers team is about to make a H-U-G-E trade. But you probably need a GM to make a trade, and as of right this very second, the Blazers do not have one.

To sum up this evening of disfunction, towards the end of the second round Pritchard, Allen, and team president Larry Miller all mysterious fled the team’s “war room,” thus avoiding speaking to the gathered media. Lots of exciting possibilities on the hardwood, but right now Portland’s front office is an absolute mess.