Okay, the following “as seen on TV” commercial is so stupid and wrong, I don’t know where to begin. Fine, I’ll begin here: GUYS LIKE FUNBAGS, OKAY?!? And any product whose purpose is to disguise funbags, or funbag accessories LIKE CLEAVAGE, is tantamount to President Obama tongue kissing Kim Jong il while doing a reach around and wiping the South North Korean dictator’s bottom with the American flag. IT’S WRONG. And yet? Such a product exists. Introducing “Cami Secret”: the new bane to 12-year-old boys (and those of equal mental caliber, such as myself) everywhere.

Ummm… BOOOOOOOO!!!!

Bang bang, choo-choo train, let me see you shake that thang. Wm. Steven Humphrey is the editor-in-chief of the Portland Mercury and has held the job since 2000. (So don’t get any funny ideas.)

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