As I just posted, I’m going to the Tea Party gala tonight. As the party goes on, Ezra thinks I should try and use Tea Party-themed pickup lines on the people around me and see what sticks. This is a terrible idea but I’ve agreed to turn it over to you guys. Give me a good Tea Party pickup line and I will use the best one you come up with. I don’t know on who, I don’t know in what context, but I will use it.
Something like,”I’m passionate about lowering taxes and raising skirts – care to join the cause?” but less sexual assault-y, please.
It’s like my own Worst Night Ever!
“Hey baby, how about you and me preserve the purity of the white race?”
Get it? Because Tea Partiers are racists and hate black people. ( I assume with a name like Dave Bow, you’re white.)
“I don’t believe in masturbation either, so care to help me out?”
How about: “Did you see what the Mercury wrote about us? Yeah, me neither. Can I buy you a drink?”
Listen babe, let’s symbolically protest taxes. Help me unload my boner tea into the harbor of your breasts.
Sorry, DB. Best I could do on the fly.
“Girl, you know I love small government and big booty.”
Wanna get in on a T (and A) party after this?
Start with:
“What’s a nice girl like you doing in a Satanic sinkhole of socialism like Portland?”
(Yeah, the party’s in Clackamas, I know…close enough.) This question allows her to complain about the city, or to state that she lives in a more righteous area like Boring or McMinnville. Now she’s talking about herself! You’re halfway there!
Once she’s warmed up, follow with:
“I hope you love Jesus, because I’ll have you shouting His name later tonight!”
These lines are guaranteed to work.
I know you’re not a witch but you just put a spell on me…………………
I vote for being less sexual assault-y!
What about something as simple as “I love that the tea party gives such a platform to women.” (You can leave out the part about them actually hating reproductive freedom, the modern family, etc.)
BOO JONESER! TOO LEVEL-HEADED!