WHOOPEE! It’s time once again to empty out those pockets for a great cause. It’s the Mercury Online Charity Auction, and it’s LIVE. Like, NOW!

In case you’ve forgotten, here’s how it works:
• CLICK HERE to bone up on all the majorly awesome gift packages that would be perfect for you or a loved one.
• Say to yourself, “Dude. I’m totes gonna bid on that.” Click the “Bid Now!” button which will take you to that item’s eBay page.
• Say to yourself, “Yay, I’m awesome because my money (and all the proceeds from the Mercury Online Charity Auction) will be going to Raphael House, to support the survivors of domestic violence in Oregon!”
• Then say to yourself, “Oh crap. I need to check back often because someone might outbid me. NOBODY OUTBIDS ME!! NOBODY!!!“
• Keep bidding and bidding and bidding until 4 pm on Friday, December 10th Saturday, December 11 at noon when the Mercury Online Charity Auction ends! And don’t worry, you’ll have plenty of time to pick up that gift before the Xmas rush!

So what are you waiting for! GO NOW! Go now and start bidding in the funnest auction ever, The Mercury Online Charity Auction! RAH!!!

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Bang bang, choo-choo train, let me see you shake that thang. Wm. Steven Humphrey is the editor-in-chief of the Portland Mercury and has held the job since 2000. (So don’t get any funny ideas.)

6 replies on “The Mercury Online Charity Auction is Happening! Like… NOW!”

  1. How about a “Steven doesn’t mention Justin Bieber for a Year on Blogtown” auction. I’m game for that. Not hating…just a shame all that stalker potential is wasted on ONE Canadian.

  3. Yeah, instead of all the other wonderful Canadian musicians like Geddy Lee, Celine Dion, Sarah McLachlan, Paul Anka, and oh I don’t know THE BARENAKED LADIES (baaaaaaaarf).

  5. SO happy to see my favorite Mercury staff cutie on the cover this week and in the charity auction photo spread! And that’s Sarah on there also, isn’t it?

  6. Ever since Scrapper came people are doodling on the covers even before they turn to Savage, I Saw You, or I Anonymous.

    Steve is winning the penis in the mouth cover doodle contest tonight. I think it is because Smirks hands are perfectly place to hold the giant balls.

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