WikiLeaks Day Four: Russia is a corrupt “mafia state,” and Canadians are jealous of Americans. Authorities are reportedly closing in on Julian Assange, and some say US media haven’t been as forthcoming about the leaks as their international counterparts have been. Oh, and Amazon.com, thanks to Sen. Joe Lieberman, has hypocritically booted WikiLeaks.org from its servers.

ET isn’t phoning home. A mysterious NASA press conference alert—”to discuss an astrobiology finding that will impact the search for evidence of extraterrestrial life”—got a lot of fervent conspiracy theorists all riled up. Instead, the news will hit a wee bit closer to home.

John McCain still thinks gay soldiers are icky. The Republican senator from Arizona complains that, despite a Pentagon survey all but clearing the way for a repeal of Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell, too many combat troops remain uncomfortable with the idea. I think they call that projecting, John. Besides, the brass didn’t care much in 1948 when white soldiers said they’d be uncomfortable with black soliders.

It’s not marriage. However… Gay-rights advocates are claiming a victory with Illinois on the verge of enacting a law that creates civil unions for gays and lesbians. (And for straight folks, too, apparently.)

MURDER IN DISNEY TOWN! Celebration, Fla., the town that Disney literally built 14 years ago, has recorded its first homicide. The crime scene was “a condo near the Christmas-decorated downtown, where Bing Crosby croons from speakers hidden in the foliage.“

I’m odd enough, just not wealthy enough, to bid on reputed JFK assassin Lee Harvey Oswald’s first coffin. It’s too bad, because my kid’s about ready for a big-boy bed…

RIP Cabrini Green. The last of the once-feared housing project towers is soon to be demolished. It’s been a long time coming.

Remember the neutron bomb? The “sane and moral” weapon that was supposed to kill Russkis and other Reds with nuclear dust, but leave their buildings and streets intact? Its inventor is dead. And we shed another tear for Reagan-era Cold War hysteria.

Closer to home, food carts are back in the headlines. Randy Leonard is doing what he hinted he would last month: Siccing building inspectors on food carts that have built elaborate structures, like decks and awnings, without city permission.

Don’t forget our charity auction! It’s right here, and you can bid on scores of fabulous items until noon, Saturday, December 11. PLUS! We’re way cooler than these ass-hats!

Denis C. Theriault is the Portland Mercury's News Editor. He writes stories about City Hall and the Portland Police Bureau, focusing on issues like homelessness, police oversight, insider politics, and...

9 replies on “Good Morning, News!”

  1. GOOD MORNING! THERE’S LIFE IN MONO LAKE? NASA MUST THINK WE’LL BELIEVE ANYTHING…

    YOU NEVER FORGET YOUR FIRST COFFIN, DO YOU?

    PORTLAND WOULD BE CANADIAN TODAY IF JUST TWO MORE OF THOSE HOSERS IN CHAMPOEG HAD STOOD UP FOR YE OLDE BRITISH EMPIRE BACK IN 1843. THEN *WE* COULD BE JEALOUS OF AMERICANS. WHICH WOULD, FRANKLY, BE EVEN MORE PITIFUL THAN PROUDLY DRINKING PBR.

  2. GOOD MORNING, DENIS! GOOD MORNING, BLOGTOWN!

    HOW IS EVERYONE?!?

    I WANT TO PUNCH MCCAIN IN HIS FUCKING STUPID FUCKING FACE. I ADMIRED HIM IN 2000. DID I CHANGE THAT MUCH OR DID HE?

  4. GOOD MORNING, BLOGTOWN!
    WHAT I DON’T UNDERSTAND IS HOW IN 2008 60 MILLION (MOSTLY CONSERVATIVE) FOLKS VOTED FOR THE “MAVERICK” AND TWO SHORT YEARS LATER CONSERVATIVES SEEM TO VALUE NOTHING GREATER THAN LOCKSTEP VOTING (WITNESS THE TEA PARTY’S HATRED OF SEN. LUGAR).

    ALSO, THAT’S A GREAT VIDEO: “LET’S GIVE A FUCK” SHOULD BE THE UNITING CRY OF OUR GENERATION. …”WITH THE TAGS, FAGS” MIGHT COME IN AS A CLOSE SECOND…

  7. GOOD MORNING GUYS. I’M STILL THINKING ABOUT THE CRAZY GRANDMA FROM YESTERDAY. CONSEQUENTLY, I CANNOT INTERNALIZE YOUR LATEST NEWS.

    I’LL TRY AGAIN TOMORROW.

  8. GOOD MORNING BLOGTOWN. I FEEL MUCH BETTER. THERE IS NO QUESTION ABOUT IT.

    WHAT IS UP WITH THOSE MCCAINS? YOU GOT THE “MAVERICKY MAVERICK”, THE “DA/DT FLIPFLOP”, AND “CHESTY MCCAIN”. FUCK YOU, MCCAINS.

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