How many times have you said to yourself, ‘OWWW! MY GODDAMN CAT JUST BIT THE SHIT OUT OF ME!!!” Probably too many to mention, right? That’s why “Cat Muzzle” is the perfect X-mas prezzie for that naughty Mr. Whiskers. And check out all of “Cat Muzzle’s” great features:

1) Strong and comfortable. (Make sure you know Mr. Whisker’s safe word!)
2) Covers eyes for a calming effect. (A blind cat is a calm cat.)
3) Quick fit strap. (Good, because… OWWW! The little asshole just bit me again!)
4) Machine washable. (Sometimes blood stains are hard to get out.)
5) Used by professionals. (Umm… hmmm.)
6) Ideal when grooming. (Coming soon… the “Cat Rack”!)

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Bang bang, choo-choo train, let me see you shake that thang. Wm. Steven Humphrey is the editor-in-chief of the Portland Mercury and has held the job since 2000. (So don’t get any funny ideas.)

7 replies on “An X-Mas Present for Mr. Whiskers!”

  2. I can see some definite utility for this, but it looks much worse than it needs to. Couldn’t they have made this with a cute pattern or something?

  4. It’s not much of a muzzle…looks like the vicious little fucker could get still ahold of some flesh. (I know that muzzles are difficult to design, because of that pesky “must allow breathing” requirement.) He won’t see who he’s biting, but he won’t care, either!

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