Well, well, well, we’re nearly at the end of our mildly successful Discomfort Zone series, and who’s left? It’s Mercury arts/web editor Alison Hallett, whose likes are, in this order: 1) Cats. 2) Comics about cats. 3) Eating gelato from Alder while reading comics about cats.
But we don’t care about that! What are her dislikes? In the few years that I’ve known Alison, I have been able to determine that they are as follows, in this order: 1) Hardboiled eggs. 2) Discrimination. 3) Shakespeare in the Park. Therefore, this week’s Discomfort nominees were tailored with her dislikes in mind, and while the much-anticipated annual Easter Egg Hunt & Racism Ball unfortunately doesn’t fall on this weekend, we found some choice events in the coming days that should make Alison distinctly discomfortable.
Knucklehead Blues Fest
SE Foster biker bar Knucklehead’s is hosting a three-day festival of that most discomfortable of musical genres: the blues. While we can’t make her go to all three days, we can definitely ruin her Sunday by sending her to a long day/night of white dudes singing, “Woke up this morning…” PROS: The blues; bikers. CONS: Alcohol. Alison might be able to drink her way through this one.
Knucklehead’s, 6219 SE Foster, Sunday September 4
Jerry Garcia Celebration
More unfortunate music, this time performed by Jerry Garcia tribute band Cats Under the Stars. What makes this so discomfortable (other than the music)? Alison loves cats, which means she’s automatically predisposed to love Cats Under the Stars based on their name alone—but I predict that she’ll experience disorientation and confusion (in other words, DISCOMFORT) when it becomes apparent that these particular Cats are neither fluffy nor purr-y. Also, hippies.
The Goodfoot, 2845 SE Stark, Sunday September 4
Shakespeare’s As You Like It performed out of doors
A-ha! Now we are getting somewhere. The otherwise likable Portland Actors Ensemble (their logo is of Shakespeare wearing sunglasses! Tubular, dude!) insists on blabbing their way through the gender-bending As You Like It, one of the Bard’s most discomfortable plays, without the benefits of an indoor stage. This is certainly one of Alison’s pet peeves. Also, it’s at Reed, which means she’ll be surrounded by Reedies. DISCOMFORTABLE.
Reed College, in front of Eliot Hall, Sunday September 4 & Monday September 5
A charming day at the Oregon State Fair
It’s the last day of this year’s Oregon State Fair, and there’s plenty to see and do, including a concert by Selena Gomez at 4:30 pm! Alison must attend Ms. Gomez’s performance in full, PLUS complete at least three of the following activities also taking place on this fine day of family and fun (here’s a PDF of the full schedule):
• Warpaint International: Paintball Open Play
• Let’s Pretend Circus – Cutest Show on Earth
• Marion County Sheriff and Keizer Police K-9 Demonstrations
• GASCAR Crazy Animal Races
• Bi-Mart Presents Radio Disney
Oregon State Fairgrounds, 2330 17th St. NE, Salem, Monday September 5
This always turns into “I thought it would be terrible but it wasn’t so bad after all”. Borrrrrring.
The whole problem with Portland is it’s way too comfortable (white people problem, that).
WHAT HAPPENED TO MY SUGGESTION OF MAKING ALISON VOLUNTEER AT AN AIDS HOSPICE?!?
What’s with the kid-gloves treatment of Alison?
Guys, Alison had to go to a nude beach AND a swingers club on previous iterations of this… game? Is this a game?
Anyway, I voted state fair because the state fair is awesome and maybe she’ll invite me to go along if that wins.
That said, if you want to add a discomfortable spin to it, make it a requirement that she has to buy me cotton candy until I throw up on a giant pig.
It is ridiculous how not discomfortable these things are.
Apologies to the internet.
@ALISON, I KNOW, RIGHT? HEY ALISON, YOU WANT TO GO SIT ON A LAWN WHILE IT’S SUNNY OUT AND DRINK SOME BEERS?! BECAUSE THAT’S ALL OF THESE THINGS WE’RE VOTING ON.
Seriously. Did you not get my suggestion about the Mexican Cat Juggling?
Probably should just make her wear an (actual) silly hat for whichever event gets chosen. That would make any of these three discomfortable. I’m thinking a jester hat, maybe with bells.
I felt like a total sadist for voting for this, as I think sitting through a Jerry Garcia band would be one of the most horrible thing one could be made to do.
The others pale by comparison, with the Oregon State Fair easily being the most doable.
(PS in my comment, three means four)
Whatever we do, let’s close the poll at a reasonable hour. I think some people lost sleep during Ned’s poll.
I voted for the state fair. Only because my revulsion of Selena Gomez runs deeper than my discomfortableness with hippies.
Good luck Alison, and have fun!
To add to your discomfort, Alison, when you attend the State Fair in Salem, you can stay the night at my parent’s house.
It makes me uncomfortable when I do it.
A Delightful Day at the Oregon State Fair???? What is this, Delight Zone? I thought this was Discomfort Zone!
Seriously Fruit Cup! I can’t stand that girl. My niece watches her Nick show and she is a bbbbbbbiiiiiiiiiittttch!
As for Cialisin’s fate – these all suck upon many a gonad!
As You Like it discomfortable? Nah. That sounds like Trek in the Park, but with Shakespeare.
I think I saw CutS at Country Faire. Some middle-aged hippies played Garcia music for 74 minutes, but I don’t quite remember what they called their band. Send *me* to that, and make Alison attend Shakespeare with the stinky Reed kids.
Maybe Alison would like to go with me up Mt. Hood to fight the evil litter robot and feed the giant FRED cats.
It sounds pleasant but remember they gave me a Prius, money, and beer to watch them for two weeks.
At this point let’s just forget the whole thing and post more interviews with random passersby.
If I recall, Alison had a not-horrible time at both the nudist camp and swinger’s club.
I’d like to know who she bribed for this kid gloves treatment, and why I didn’t get a piece.
Fuck, if this was only a week earlier we could of all voted on her playing second base for the softball team during the championship game.
God damn you hindsight.
@Todd: Aaaaa! That’s just discomforting to everyone!
By my troth, that say’st true: for since the little wit that fools have was silenced, the little foolery that wise men have make a great show!
The State Fair? The State Fair is awesome. They have hand-dipped corn dogs and the Dairy Farmer’s of Oregon soft serve ice cream cones. THIS CANNOT BE A DISCOMFORTABLE CHOICE.
Can I just reset my MMA take?…..Ah screw it, whatever send her to whatever shite 32yr old white hipsters find comical. Shit you dorks probably think the Sklar Brothers are funny
Or at least send her to Paintball, given that things such as hand/eye coordination are foreign to many of you…..plus there might be at least one agro hillbilly. Comedy gold
Easily Dead cover band. Watching hippies dance makes me feel my soul being sucked from my body, so I’m just projecting that AH will find that discomfortable.
Seriously, a friend took me to a show about two months ago at Mt. Tabor and didn’t tell me it was a hippie thing. I demanded to leave after twenty minutes and I didn’t give two shits that we basically threw $20 in the trash.
If she really likes comics about cats, isn’t there a “Garfield Convention” we could chip in and fly her to…
If there’s a hell for people who like cats, or comics, the seeing Jim Davis, and people who like Garfield, is it.
How about making her hand a Garfield “Hang in there” poster over her cubicle? We’re talking Israeli torture tactics now…
This is ridiculous. You guys know I’m from Oregon, right? And going to the state fair was a highlight of my childhood? I did 4-H, for god’s sake.
I’ll try to take some cute animal pictures, at least.
Aw, crap. Why did anyone suggest the State Fair in the first place? It’s just going to be a warm fuzzy post about ponies and corn dogs.
(Please take lots of cute animal pictures- that, at least, will make it all worth it.)
I’m moving next week, can we do Blogger Helps Commenter Move again???
This is a debacle. And no one could even remember to do GMN…I thought WSH did nothing but surf YouTube, but apparently he really does ride roughshod over you all, and nothing gets done when he’s gone.
SHAPE UP! Or I’ll convince Steve to put me in charge next time he’s out of town. Then we’ll have a memorable Discomfort Zone for all of you at once.
I stand by Elvis Costello karaoke. I think making Alison consistently the center of attention over several hours would have been the pinnacle of discomfortableness. Though I may be projecting.
While she’s in Salem for the fair, she should spend a sleepless Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf-style evening with my parents, then shake it off with a morning at the Pink Elephant, drowning her hangover and quietly sobbing with her head between her knees.
Make her attend a high school dance
You dumbasses. Out of the feeble choices up there, Jerry Garcia easily trumps the State Fair.
I don’t know if any of these choices would cause discomfort other than boredom. I would like to hear of your chronicles of delight experienced at the Oregon State Fair. Take pictures.