Yeah, yeah… I know. Stealing cars is “fun” and “cool,” and a weekend without stealing a car is strictly BORINGSVILLE. However, if you’re going to steal, be sure to choose a car that does NOT display the “Autobot” symbol. You could be asking for trouble. Take it from… THE TRANSFORMERS.

Now you know… and knowing is half—if not three-quarters—of the battle!

Bang bang, choo-choo train, let me see you shake that thang. Wm. Steven Humphrey is the editor-in-chief of the Portland Mercury and has held the job since 2000. (So don’t get any funny ideas.)

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