'We're not gonna take it! NO! We ain't gonna take it!!"

What a perfect day to jump into and discuss last night’s SHOCKING episode of The Walking Dead, right? So what are we waiting for? Hit the jump for some spoiler-ish thoughts from yours truly, or dive right into the comments if you’re such a goddamn know-it-all. HAPPY HALLOWEEN, btw.

Were not gonna take it! NO! We aint gonna take it!!
  • ‘We’re not gonna take it! NO! We ain’t gonna take it!!”

••••

Okay, I don’t have a ton to say here, except for two observations:

1) Look, I know living in a post-zombie apocalypse can be pretty… oh… depressing. BUT SERIOUSLY, SURVIVORS! You need to turn those frowns upside down, take some Prozac (it’s in the dead racist’s motorcycle), and stop being such goddamn Debby Downers! OF COURSE your son should live, idiot, and OF COURSE blondie fish-mouth won’t really kill herself (regardless of what Grandpa Black Eyebrows thinks) because she’s just being a selfish drama queen, and is therefore BOOOOORING. Everybody cheer the fuck up, grab a baseball bat and a horse, and let’s have a little fun chasing and beheading some fucking zombies. (Just like that hot chick that Glenn is about to bone at any moment.)

2) WTF, SHANE??? This episode would’ve been a complete boring disaster without Shane and Fatso running through the high school like the kids from The Breakfast Club busting out of detention. (The Shane stuff should NOT have been downgraded to a subplot!) But seriously, WTF, SHANE??? I actually have no problem with you sacrificing Fatso to the zombies, BUT YOU DON’T SHOOT HIM IN THE LEG, AND LET HIM BE EATEN ALIVE! If you’re gonna be a dick about it, at least have the decency to cap him in the noggin, and don’t let this poor fat sap lie there getting his tubby thighs chewed off by zombies, thinking, “WTF, SHANE???”

So? What would you have done in WTF SHANE’S place??

U-G-L-Y, you aint got no alibi! YOU UGLY! (Clap, clap) YOU UGLY!
  • “U-G-L-Y, you ain’t got no alibi! YOU UGLY! (Clap, clap) YOU UGLY!”

Bang bang, choo-choo train, let me see you shake that thang. Wm. Steven Humphrey is the editor-in-chief of the Portland Mercury and has held the job since 2000. (So don’t get any funny ideas.)

9 replies on “<i>The Walking Dead</i> Chitty-Chat Club!”

  1. Comparing this show to American Horror Story makes me wonder: why don’t zombies masturbate? Sex is as strong a primal urge as eating. Considering that they no longer have any inhibitions, you’d think that most of the zombies would be lurching around with their hands down their pants at all times. Assuming they still have hands, that is. Also assuming they still have something down their pants.

    On the other hand, maybe they don’t need to. They might spend all their time off-screen boinking it up like a submission to HUMP! (showing Nov 17 through Nov 19 at Cinema 21 — tickets for some shows still available). That would explain why they all seem so shagged out all the time.

    Still, I think this show would be much better if it were The Wanking Dead.

  2. I agree. WTF Shane. Shooting the fatguy in the leg was just lazy! Where are the standards in this post zombie world? Yes, it was a him or you situation, Shane. So do the decent thing – Double head shot.

    Also, good move on the haircut. You were looking a little shaggy there, Shane, and that ripped out from the roots by fatguy bare spot was ugly. Post apocalyptic priorities.

  3. This show is not good. It has no teeth. It’s drab. The characters are uninteresting and unlikeable. So far, the zombie hanging from the tree has turned in the best performance. I want them all to die except for maybe the redneck and the black guy. Too much talky, not enough zombie. Whenever the sheriff talks, I want zombies to climb through the tv and finish me off. Whenever sheriff and Shane talk, they seem like they’re about to make out. Now that would give this show a much needed ball zap.

    Whew. I feel better now.

  4. @TSW
    I cannot totally disagree, TSW, but you have to admit that one scene when the zombie grabbed Shane as he was hanging out the window, and Shane pulled his piece and blasted his face off was nuts up.

    (Sidenote: I’m making up new phrases to keep my vocabulary interesting, and “nuts up” is my newest.)

  9. People, people. If Shane had killed the hillbilly outright, the zombies would have taken little interest in him. As a living, bleeding, angry, writhing hill-person, he draws the zombies and gives Shane a few crucial moments to flee back to the farm. Once there, Shane revealed his biggest dick move of the episode — shaving his hair into the sink. Good bye, free flowing drain pipes!

    Now that we know he’s willing to shoot people and clog pipes with little remorse, he needs to shoot the next person who has a crying scene. Yes, we know, you’ve lost all your PS3 games and family and you wonder how life can possibly go on. Waa waa. BOOOORING.

    Finally, this show needs to decide if bright lights and loud noises are risky zombie attractants or not, and stay with that decision.

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