ORDAINED REVEREND and professional bike pornographer Phil Sano certainly knows how to get into trouble. He estimates he has been arrested or cited by the Portland Police Bureau more than a dozen times. There have been good times (his most recent birthday party/flaming torch parade reportedly attracted 15 cop cars) and bad (a routine stop last summer spiraled into getting Tasered multiple times), but now Reverend Phil is revealing his surefire secrets to getting arrested in the Rose City.

1. Show no fear.

2. Maintain ignorance: Do not know what you cannot get away with.

3. Respect your rights more than an officer does. For example, some people take their right to party very seriously. Many a drunk has wound up on the wrong side of the law after failing the "How much do I care about this half a can of Hamm's?" test.

4. When a cop tells you to leave and another asks you to stay and clean up, stay and clean up. You will be taken into custody immediately.

5. If you're going to break the law, do it in a highly stupid way. Preferably in front of cameras. Don't even bother with any sort of white-collar profitable crime, you'll never get caught for that shit.

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