You may not have noticed, but it’s Valentine’s Day! A “holiday” of adjusting your expectations, bitter self-recrimination about lost loves, and questioning the very concept of romance itself. Thank goodness we’re all happy with our relationship statuses, with no chance of being one of those people, right?

Mary Jane wants your heart this Valentine’s Day. From canna-infused chocolates to canna-infused lubes (don’t mix these up—trust me), cannabis is playing a growing role in the massive industrial complex built around love in its many forms. But while cannabis often receives a warm reception in the bedroom, what about the way it’s used and perceived in the process of getting there?

When you first hit puberty and began to woo romantic partners, alcohol was likely involved—from stolen garage beers to warm wine coolers. Then, for many, came college parties and... yeah. Drinking has always been a major part of the dating scene, something that’s even been celebrated in the mainstream. Countless relationships have started with the help of alcohol. It’s called a social lubricant for a reason.

But cannabis comes with a much more complex relationship in getting someone to go home with you, and maybe having them stay. Not just for the physical aspects that can be offputting—smoke, smoker’s breath, rooms that reek hours after consumption, bong water, and so on—but the mass misinformation campaign that has left many people with mixed feelings about cannabis use, and mixed feelings about those who use it.

Cannabis can even be a deal breaker, for a variety of reasons. Perhaps someone is dealing with associations based on a previous partner who fully embraced every mainstream stoner stereotype. Or one could have experienced a religious upbringing that instilled guilt about cannabis (along with everything else). Others may have had a partner or parent who used cannabis as a way to deaden feelings, avoid intimacy, and reinforce existing emotional walls.

But with legalization comes greater acceptance of the role cannabis can play in courting, and cannabis does have a history of a shared joint turning into a shared kiss—and more.

I wanted to get some perspective on cannabis in today’s dating world, so I reached out to a mid-20s cis female follower from Instagram. Her feed revealed that she works in the industry, is a frequent and enthusiastic cannabis consumer, and while actively single, didn’t seem to be having the best luck in love, even if dating while dabbing. She met me for a drink, but asked that I not reveal certain particulars, including an incredible arm tat that should be a T-shirt line. She turned heads of both sexes when she walked in, and I asked what ratio of the men she dated were cannabis consumers.

“The boys I date, they make big noise about how tough they pull, how much they like to get high,” she said, rolling her eyes. “Out of 101 bad dates, maybe 20 percent are smokers.” The other 80 percent? “Douchebags who work at Nike and drink, resulting in cross fading when they partake,” she laughed.

“Guys don’t smoke—really smoke—in Portland. When I get high, it’s mostly with girlfriends. Pre-[Measure] 91 was cooler, because smoking together was a shared law-breaking activity, dangerous and cool.” She sighs. “When I met my ex, we went home to smoke, shared three blunts, and he passed out. It’s like a unicorn to find a man with a job, car, his own place, and who can hang for a full session, instead of one dab hit followed by hours of paranoia and becoming too self-aware.”

It’s true that cannabis—like all things people feel passionately about—can kickstart relationships, save marriages, and even result in babies. Like attracts like, and there’s great potential when a couple merges hearts and a fondness for good green.

That isn’t to say it’s a relationship saver. I had a front-row seat to numerous “conscious uncouplings” in the cannabis industry last year, which could be attributed to the stress of being in the industry, but just as often was due to something else. It’s a miracle plant, but only up to a point.

So cannabis might not necessarily bring you closer to a potential partner. But it can certainly ease the journey while you try and find one.