Your Portland Musical Nourishment Pyramid

AT THE MERCURY HEALTH ADVISORY BOARD, we
care deeply about the musical intake of today’s impressionable youth.
Far too many students make poor musical decisions at a young age and
the ramifications of such ill-advised choices can have grave
implications on their future. (Do you really want to be still
listening to Matisyahu in your 30s?) Thankfully we have created this
Portland Musical Nourishment Pyramid, a basic primer that allows
you to enjoy our bevy of quality local music without descending into
auditory obesity.

THE FOUNDATION GROUPS (Blue)

(You need to have a minimum of at least 6-11 servings in your
iTunes library)

Dead Moon—Sure, they’re older than your folks, but this
seminal punk band represented all the finest elements of DIY culture
and harkens back to an era when hanging out in front of Satyricon was
really dangerous.

Wipers—If you are discussing Portland music, you better
pay homage to Greg Sage’s legendary band. Do your homework and stock up
on Jackpot Records’ re-releases of Youth of America, Is This
Real?, and Over the Edge.

Elliott Smith—He might have passed away in Los Angeles,
but Smith did his best living here in Portland. In fact, the lyrics of
his earliest recordings read like a map of Southeast PDX. Here’s to
“Falling out [on] 6th and Powell.”

THE ROCK GROUPS (Yellow)

(You need to have a minimum of at least 4-6 servings in your
iTunes library)

Au—Not really a rock band, per se, Au are the most
inventive and wildly creative act in this town (and beyond). Staring in
astonishment with your jaw agape at their mesmerizing live show is a
totally acceptable reaction.

Blind Pilot—The masterfully assembled indie-folk of
Blind Pilot will roll straight from the bicycle lane (they used to tour
by bike) into your heart.

Menomena—In our opinion the finest group to call
Portland home, Menomena sightings are rare these days, but if your
musical library does not include I Am the Fun Blame Monster! and
Friend and Foe, you are not living.

THE YOU CAN DANCE TO IT GROUPS (Pink)

(You need to have a minimum of at least 4-6 servings in your
iTunes library)

Chicharones—The mighty combination of emcees Sleep and
Josh Martinez is far more tempting than their fried pork rind namesake,
and proof there’s more to this town than just a bunch of mopey indie
rock bands.

DJ Beyonda—The premier DJ in the city limits can turn
even the frostiest crowd of cross-armed cynics into a sweltering dance
floor.

Starfucker—Few bands are as all-ages and dance friendly
as the Starfucker boys—proof that even the simplest of
electro-pop beats can keep the kids moving long into the morning
hours.

THE GUILTY PLEASURE GROUPS (Green)

(You need to have a minimum of at least 1-2 servings in your
iTunes library)

The Dandy Warhols—Portland’s most decadent rockers are
best in tempered doses, but don’t think they’re going anywhere. The
Dandies will still be rocking long after you drop out of college and
move back into your parents’ house.