ALWAYS WANTED to introduce your genitals to direct sunlight? How else will you know if your junk has super powers fueled by Earth's yellow sun?! Don't forget your sunscreen, because here's your summertime guide to skinny-dipping!
Breitenbush Hot Springs
A two-hour drive and a pay-in-advance day-use fee ($15-28 sliding scale) gets you into the happy hippie skinny-dip sanctuary that is Breitenbush. It's a family-friendly facility with a focus on healing; in addition to hot springs access there's free yoga, guided meditation, and hiking.
Creep Factor: No one is here to check out your goodies. They're here to get centered, soak up the healing mineral waters, and sweat out their toxins.
Nudity chillness: Most folks opt to go dipping without a suit and no one gives a hoot about shrinkage.
Overall: 2 1/2 nutsacks. This place would be heaven on earth—if not for toddlers.
Pros: Delicious vegetarian/vegan meals are available at an additional cost. One pool is for silent enjoyment only (subtext: no babies). There's absolutely NO cell reception.
Cons: There's NO cell reception! Also, white dreadlocks are pretty much inevitable.
Just a 35-minute drive east into the Gorge gets you to this popular nude playground. It's one of two sanctioned nude beaches near Portland. Pay a $5 day-use fee, or don't if the tollbooth is un-manned that day (that's between you and your municipal god), and walk down a marked path to the clothing-optional beach.
Creep Factor: State-sanctioned nudity means that it's no secret to the public; that goes for voyeurs, pervs, and creeps (oh my).
Nudity chillness: Beachgoers range from couples, groups of friends, and creeps. Also notable, in the grand tradition of public parks, is the—ahem—hook-up culture.
Overall: 1 1/2 nutsacks: The scenery is glorious, but you may be sacrificing a little privacy.
Pros: Crowds clear out between the late afternoon and sunset.
Cons: Creeps and the occasional scrub-brush handjob that dare not speak its name.
Sauvie Island/Collins Beach
Forty minutes north on Hwy 30 brings you to the northern tip of Sauvie Island. Collins Beach, the other state-sanctioned nude beach in Oregon, features clay beaches, Honey Buckets, and several entrances to the naked hangout.
Creep Factor: Looky-loos are inevitable, but earnest swimmers far outnumber the creeps.
Nudity chillness: Clothed and bare folks alike mingle at Collins Beach. All sizes and shapes abound. You might encounter some hipster hotties; how self-conscious that makes you is between you and your therapist.
Overall: 2 nutsacks: There seems to be a little something for everyone at Collins Beach. Some sections of the beach draw queer crowds and families. Other sandy knolls attract picnicking hipsters.
Pros: Close proximity to you-pick blueberries!
Cons: Again, some not-so-discreet river boning.
More How to Do Summer Articles:
How to Get Someone to Take You to the River
How to Hitchhike to Suavie Island
How to Pick the Perfect Summer Book
How to Listen to Music in the Out of Doors