The Newcomers’ Guide to Portland 2016
The Official Guide for Those New to Portland, Who Don’t Know a Single Goddamn Thing.
People You Should Know
Portland Newbies? Meet the Portland Oldies (Who Are Totally Doing Rad Stuff)
How to Trick Someone into Letting You Live with Them
Appear to Be a Good Housemate with These Six Simple Secrets
Meet Your POC Communities
Your People Are Here, and Here’s Where to Find Them
Know Your Portland Beers!
You’re a Portlander Now—Drink Like It
Don’t Be a Dope About Legal Weed
The Newcomers’ Guide to Oregon Pot Laws
Hey... Newbie’s Gotta Eat!
Navigating Portland’s Grocery Stores Like a Local
Mass Transit: Reviewed
Succinct Critiques of the City’s More Popular Mass Transit Routes
What Is the Deal with the Portland Streetcar?
Here’s What the Deal Is.
These Parks Are Okay
Responding to Portland’s Worst Public Park Yelp Reviews
The Portland Music Scene Is Changing
(For the Better, Mostly)
Fashion Do’s and Don’t You Dares
A Newbie’s Guide to Dressing in Portland
Where to See a Play (Without Wanting to Murder Oneself)
Shut Up! It Can Be Done, and Your Date Will Be So Impressed
A Guide to Portland Places You Should Never Go
(While I’m There)
New Portland Food for New Portland Humans
Eat These Dishes to Get a Taste for the Town
Use Bike Share—But Don’t You Dare Mess Up!
A Helpful Guide to Biketown Success
A Newcomer, Helping Newcomers
Advice from Someone Who Doesn’t Know What He’s Talking About
BEFORE ELLIOTT SMITH, and Fred and Carrie, there were these cool people. If you just moved here, get hip to these “Portland People You Should Know.”
What are you “Portland Famous” for: Being the bass player in Summer Cannibals and starting XRAY.fm.
What do you wish you were known for: I have two advanced degrees, and I don’t want to talk to you about my hair.
What “scene” can you be found in: Music/radio.
Favorite Portland spot: The Know.
Favorite Portland moment: When a stranger stopped me to ask if I played bass in Fine Young Cannibals. I wish.
Finish this sentence: “Portland was better before...”: I don’t know. I’m an optimist.
What are you “Portland Famous” for: Publishing Vortex Music Magazine.
What do you wish you were known for: Dunking between the legs.
What “scene” can you be found in: Music/taco scene.
Favorite Portland spot: Dairy Queen.
Favorite Portland moment: The Unipiper, Darth Vader edition.
Finish this sentence: “Portland was better before...”: the rains came back.
What are you “Portland Famous” for: Chili/spice-driven pop-ups, spending inordinate amounts of time trying to perfect curries/moles/spicy sourdoughs.
What do you wish you were known for: I wish I was known for bringing people together to have awkward/honest/unsexy conversations about food.
What “scene” can you be found in: Food/pop-ups.
Favorite Portland spot: The meditation room at the Grotto, and plane watching in the Target parking lot at Cascade Station.
Favorite Portland moment: Getting flipped off by the young punk storytelling clown couple whilst riding on their matching tall bikes.
Finish this sentence: “Portland was better before...”: the “Instagram-ready” coffee shop/restaurant.
What are you “Portland Famous” for: Executive director of Know Your City, active in Occupy Portland, failed mayoral candidate, failed hunger striker, successful rabble-rouser, and media earner.
What do you wish you were known for: My ability to recite over 156 TV themes from memory.
What “scene” can you be found in: Biking throughout town, Twitter and Facebook, and popping up at different community events. I used to be seen at every major civic/nonprofit event, but now most days I’m working in my Union Station office.
Favorite Portland spot: Vanport. Knowing the history and geography of Vanport is integral to understanding the transformation of the entire city and the continued system of oppression that mainly affects black people living in Portland.
Favorite Portland moment: I was the lead organizer for Occupy the Pearl District—an overnight sit-in at Jamison Square. About 30 protesters were willing to be arrested. When the police threatened to evict us, hundreds of people marched around the sitting activists like a school of protective fish, shouting, “Make no arrests.” I was only 20, had never been arrested, and had never been surrounded by so many friends and strangers feeling completely safe and cared for.
Finish this sentence: “Portland was better before...”: I discovered how racially hostile it is for people of color to live here.
What are you “Portland Famous” for: Making music, being a feral wild child, and creating spaces for others to do the same.
What do you wish you were known for: My unattainable wealth... or my sex tape. Being famous for absolutely nothing appears to be quite a good time, and Chanti Kardashian has a nice ring to it, don’t you think?
What “scene” can you be found in: The music scene mostly (check out my band Chanti Darling), but I’m a child of the nightlife. So you can find me out dancing at clubs like Stranger Disco, getting my life at Club Kai-Kai, Prancing at Bridge Club, tricking at Spankbank, raving at Limited Edition, or playing host at my own party, Jump Jack Sound Machine, every second Saturday at Mississippi Studios.
Favorite Portland spot: A tie between Tub and Tan rent-by-the-hour spas, Skidmore Bluffs, Music Millennium, Laurelhurst Theater, and Beulahland. All provide me with seminally Portland-like forays into much-needed escapism.
Favorite Portland moment: Every minute, every second, every hour of every day. Life here is easy to enjoy. Enjoy the come-up.
Finish this sentence: “Portland was better before...”: you asked me to tip you off to my secrets about it. Put down this paper immediately, choose your own adventure or pick your own scenario. Get out there and start creating situations of your own! I wanna hear about your Portland.