Like most cishet males, I didnāt think I had any issues with being an ally to the women and nonbinary folks walking this world with me. And it wasnāt really until I got hired on at the Mercury that I had that belief challenged and my ego balloon deflated.
Readers kindly pointed out implicit biases in my writing, and co-workers kept me aware of the same inclinations sneaking out in meetings and one-on-one interactions. All this shit Iāve absorbed in my 40-plus years of pop culture consumption and observing the actions of my peers was leaching outāwithout me even thinking about it. I still had a lot to learn.
So as we started putting together the Mercuryās Gender Empowerment Issue, I decided to reach out to some people from across the gender spectrumāpeople who I knew, but who arenāt so close to me that they might pull their punchesāto get some insight into what being a male ally looks like to them. Itās worth doing the same, my fellow cishet men, just as itās worth using their words as a starting point to open up necessary conversations with the people in your life.
Melynda Marie Amann, musician and bartender at Mad Hanna
I donāt want to presume that the men in my life donāt know this, but being an ally is kind of a misnomer. Itās not that you are this thing... this noun. Being an ally is a definitive verb that shows continued or progressive action on the part of the subject. Those who call themselves āallyā will benefit through action, listening, and growing. And these activities may help those [who are] marginalized and inform the ally [of] what role they can play. I can also ally in my everyday life. Itās important for me to learn from those around me and to teach at the same time. Being allied means to listening to the people around me that need to be heard and recognize that I do not always have all the answers.
Tex Clark, assistant federal public defender
Being an ally looks like self-awareness and insight. Itās hard for me to be a good ally to people I want to do right by without first starting off on a baseline that [our current system] is a problem and has been a problem. Even if you didnāt think it was your problem, it could have been a problem for others. If you start off there, you wonāt feel defensive about trying to do better. And you donāt want to pat yourself on the back too hard. If the norm is male dominance, than weāre trying to change those norms. Itās not an inconvenience to reject that norm and expect some special recognition. Starting from that placeāthat insight that sexism is systemicāit really takes a lot of pressure off, so they can say, āIām operating in a world where thereās these power differentials, and hereās how Iām going to make sure that Iām being conscientious about this.ā
Clara Emiliana, designer and illustrator
I was thinking a lot about male posturing. Like whenever I ask one of my male friends, āCan you do this?ā, thatās when the posturing comes in: āDonāt worry. I have so much experience in this.ā And then when the thing in question fails, theyāre just like, āWell, I dunno what to tell you.ā And then when you, as a woman, handle it personally, theyāre kind of quiet and thereās a sense of a bruised ego. So I feel for a lot of my male allies: [Use] more collaboration from the get-go. In 2020, itās more acceptable for men to show vulnerability. I would rather take your vulnerability than the posturing.