WE ARE GREAT at leaving what ain't broke well enough alone. So the Mercury is bringing you—YET AGAIN—a stellar event that's basically an excuse to eat delicious foods, prepared by the city's best chefs, for a song, while we all day-drink and do-si-do our asses to victory.

Earlier this year, we Burger Week-ed ourselves into a gout-induced stupor, and we walked that off just fine. So now, we're bringing you a panacea for the November doldrums. It's Chili Jamboree Three: Acoustic Boogaloo.* Our friends at Nicky USA, Widmer Brothers Brewing, and Jim Beam are greasing the wheels for a good time, as they do, and this year's jam is gonna be hotter than ripe noon!

You lucky sons of bitches get to stuff your faceholes full of beans and tingles, because our chefs will be busier than a cat burying shit on a marble floor. And this year, we've got fresh meat and seasoned Chili Jam veterans in equal numbers! They're all going head-to-head to see whose chili will earn the coveted Chili Jamboree Belt. You taste 'em and vote for your favorite!

Last year's champ, Ryan Day of Podnah's Pit, is back in the running, bringing us another taste of his ass-whuppin' Texas street chili: pork chili verde with Fritos and cheese. Other returning gladiators will try as they might to steal the crown. Smokehouse Tavern's BJ Smith will be bringing back the chili he perfected last year: smoked hog's head pozole with crispy pig's ear and lime.

Master of Kim Jong Grillin's domain, Han Hwang is creating a chili of epic proportions, inspired by an ancient Korean creation myth. He's dubbed it "Black Chili of Doom Water, Party Extravaganza Good Time, Not Safe for Kid or Work." Lardo's Rick Gencarelli is throwing us a curveball, deviating from his normal porcine fare, and winning major nerd points with his Lambda Lambda Lambda Chili (guess what the protein is). Patrick McKee of spankin'-new Common Law will be making beer-braised beef-cheek chili. Gregory Gourdet of Departure was mum when pressed for details, but that's cool.

Anh Luu, Tapalaya's resident pixie and Chili Jam newbie, will be bringing her Vietnamese flair to a Southern staple, with beefy bits stewed up in pho-scented tomato-green chili sauce. Timid eaters need not apply. The effervescent Maya Lovelace, chef/owner of Mae, is slinging chilies stewed with five different types of pork (five types, y'all!) and highfalutin heirloom beans, sprinkled with a special surprise or two.

Well, butter my butt and call me a biscuit—we've also got the wizard behind Mi Mero Mole, Nick Zukin, who'll be marrying the two best things in the world: Mexican tostadas and Texas-style smoked brisket, all slickered up with his mole negro. Brian Spangler, Apizza Scholls' funky scientist, will be going in a similarly south-of-the-border direction, with dark mole-like spices spanking his beef-short-rib chili with beans. On the docket for Bamboo Sushi's Jin Soo Yang is a Southeast Asian-inspired beef and pork chili with fermented chile pepper dashi. And our event host's chef, Allen Sands of White Owl Social Club, will be busting out a not-at-all-Satanic-sounding gluten-free wild boar and lamb's heart chili.

Finally, we've got real-live country music provided by Denver and Portland Country Underground, plus Tender Love & Care is spinning records. So come on down to the Chili Jamboree. You'll be happy as a June bug that you did!

Chili Jamboree 3, White Owl Social Club, 1305 SE 8th, Sun Nov 8, 1-7 pm, $15-25, tickets at merctickets.com

* Sadly, not actual name.