ICE CREAM IS THE PINNACLE of the holy trinity of summer, and for good reason: IT'S COLD AND IT'S GODDAMN DELICIOUS END OF STORY. But if you're stuck standing in line to get this delicious treat, you're doing it wrong! There are TONS of terrific ice cream (and yogurt and gelato) joints all over town, so you'll surely find a local shop to love in the following ICE CREAM SHOP MEGA LIST! (Note: We didn't include big chains like Dairy Queen, but they're really good, too, so go to Dairy Queen if you want. Just get some goddamn ice cream, okay?!?)

ICE CREAM SHOPS

Fifty Licks
This beloved shop on SE Clinton makes their custard base by hand and from scratch—and it shows. The result is some of the most fragrant, delicate, and rich ice cream I tasted—especially standouts Blood Orange Creamsicle (a complex twist on the classic), Lavender Mint Chip (which smells amazing), Chocolate as @#$& (a dark chocolate masterpiece), and our personal fave, Caramelized Honey, which takes local honey and simmers it into caramel for a one-of-a-kind ice cream experience. (Plus they have vegan and boozy-infused ice cream concoctions for those who like to mix their demons.) WM. STEVEN HUMPHREY
2021 SE Clinton, fifty-licks.com

Ruby Jewel
Ruby Jewel opened in 2004, and with how rapidly Portland changes these days, that makes it a veritable institution. Expanded to three locations, the Jewel hasn't grown rusty in its success: Their ice cream sandwiches are still a go-to treat. A recent sunny Friday afternoon offered a short line, and a half scoop of Fluffernutter and Double Chocolate Cheesecake ice creams on fresh-baked chocolate chip cookies for $5. I made it 20 feet before devouring it, sticky melting cream running under my wristwatch. Bliss. ANDREA DAMEWOOD
3713 N Mississippi, 4703 SE Hawthorne, 428 SW 12th, rubyjewel.com

Roses Ice Cream[UPDATE, 5/23/2017: BUSINESS CLOSED]
Sometimes you want fancy-ass artisanal whatever ice cream, and sometimes you just want REGULAR PLAIN OLD ICE CREAM. If you're in the mood for the latter, I can't recommend Roses highly enough. With jaunty picnic tables and every kind of cold treat imaginable, Roses reminds me of the no-frills ice cream joints of the Midwest—you know, the ones with "dairy" and "freeze" spelled all goofy in their names—maybe because it's been around since 1950. They make a brownie sundae that's a thing of wonder, and often have Birthday Cake ice cream, the stuff of children's—and sweet-toothed adults'—Funfetti-colored dreams, a rare delight on the West Coast. MEGAN BURBANK
5011 NE 42nd, rosesicecream.com

Cloud City Ice Cream
It's tough to pick from Cloud City Ice Cream's nearly 30 enticing flavors, which range in eccentricity from Nutella to Yerba Mate, but the nonexistent line when I went on a sunny Friday evening provided plenty of time to mull it over. Cloud City had six sorbets on hand, including their tart and fragrant Lemon Basil. Highlights from the dairy menu include their Circus Friends flavor—rainbow sprinkles and circus animal cookies swirled into creamy vanilla oblivion—as well as the Earl Grey Blueberry, an addictive combination of lavender Earl Grey tea and locally grown blueberries. Cloud City also makes their own waffle cones! CIARA DOLAN
4525 SE Woodstock, cloudcityicecream.com

Cool Moon Ice Cream Company
Located directly adjacent to the fountain-filled Jamison Square (recently voted by Portland Monthly as "The Number One Spot in the Pearl for Yuppie Parents to Dump Their Screeching Hellspawn"), the laidback Cool Moon offers a wide swath of flavors, from the weird (Thai Iced Tea, which, yep, tastes like a super-sweet Thai iced tea) to the inventive (the rich brownie flavor of Fiery Chocolate is cut with cayenne) to the traditional—like their Mint Chip, a very solid offering of the flavor that has always been and will always be the apex of ice creams. For best results, eat your Mint Chip as you walk like two blocks to the Low Brow Lounge (1036 NW Hoyt)—a welcome oasis of old-school Portland, its shadowy depths do an excellent job of blocking out the sun's accursed hate-beams. ERIK HENRIKSEN
1105 NW Johnson, coolmoonicecream.com

Salt & Straw
I used to be resentful of Salt & Straw's permanently long line clogging up my neighborhood with tourists (complained the transplant) until I learned a pro tip: Skip the crowd of tasters by going straight to the counter and picking a pint out of the case. It's way faster and you get MORE ICE CREAM! If you are willing to wait around, Salt & Straw has some real treats in store for those of us who like ice cream with sweet or savory mix-ins: Chocolate Gooey Brownie (made with marshmallow fluff! *faints*) and Cinnamon Snickerdoodle are my two faves, and you can even feel refined tucking into Pear and Blue Cheese (way better than it sounds). MB
838 NW 23rd, 3345 SE Division, 2035 NE Alberta, saltandstraw.com

What's the Scoop
With roll-up garage doors and street-side tables facing the ever-changing N Williams, What's the Scoop is the perfect stop on a hot afternoon. Their menu is innovative with a dozen or so ice cream flavors and topping options. (Try the Magic Dust and the Honey Carmel toppings!) If you can't choose from the vast smorgasbord, don't worry: What's the Scoop offers a sampler platter with four scoops and four toppings for just $7! Two fresh tea ice creams were our picks for summer, a creamy orange Thai Iced Tea and a tart Arnold Palmer sorbet. Even if you go basic, expect a twist—the Thrilla in Vanilla scoop tastes just like a root beer float! (Note: Despite their name, they did not read me the news.) BRI BREY
3540 N Williams, whatsthescooppdx.com

The Maple Parlor[UPDATE, 5/23/2017: BUSINESS CLOSED]
Basic swirl cones delight me to no end, so I brought high expectations to the Maple Parlor's high-end soft-serve. This turned out to be a mistake. The flavors were good, if limited—the menu leans heavily vegan and gluten-free; milk drinkers can partake of chocolate, vanilla, and maple—but the ice cream melted quickly, calling into question the practicality of gluten-free soft-serve, and the salted caramel sauce, while tasty, hardened quickly into an unappetizing clump. Maple Parlor brands its offerings as "wholesome," but at the end of the day, I still ate a cup of ice cream covered in candy, so, debatable. MB
3538 SE Hawthorne, themapleparlor.com

Wiz Bang Bar
Wiz Bang is the only place that I've smelled my sundae being prepared. The wizards from Salt & Straw have opened a new soft-serve counter inside the Pine Street Market, and they've made childhood classics, dare I say it, great again. The buttery scent of toasting bread was a fluffy base for the Peanut Butter and Jelly Sundae—$8.50 and worth every penny. It's made with Oregon Marionberry jam, vanilla custard, and homemade peanut butter cereal. Wiz Bang also has dipped cones of single-origin chocolate or Oregon black raspberry, homemade Oreo blended freezes, root beer floats—all of it has been top-notch. Bonus: It's so new, the line isn't as long as at the original S&S. AD
Inside Pine Street Market, 126 SW 2nd, saltandstraw.com/wizbangbar

Dairy Hill Ice Cream
Hillsdale is shockingly close to downtown, and Dairy Hill Ice Cream makes it easily worth the trip. This joint kicks it old-school in both ambience and what they're scooping out of the case. Primarily featuring fresh local ice cream from Alpenrose Dairy, Dairy Hill offers the classic flavors (as well as vegan and dairy-free treats) you're yearning for, including Rocky Road, Pralines 'n' Cream, Nutty Salted Caramel, Butter Brickle, and what may be my new favorite flavor, Bordeaux Cherry, which practically explodes in your mouth with vivid cherry deliciousness. Dairy Hill also concocts their own ice cream sandwiches AND serves their sundaes in little plastic baseball hats, which is the superior method of eating such a treat. WSH
6352 SW Capitol, dairyhillicecream.com

Back to Eden Bakery
Back to Eden's known for their wide variety of food sensitivity-friendly baked goods, but they're no slouches in the frozen dessert department. Their vegan, gluten-free, and plant-based soft serve comes in chocolate, vanilla, and a rotating seasonal flavor, and they also offer four kinds of Coconut Bliss. You can opt for plain scoops, but you should really check out their extensive shake and sundae menu. It offers classics like the root beer float and the banana split, but also some crazier options, like PB&J shakes and my personal favorite, the kombucha float. You can get any kind of cream-less ice cream—I chose vanilla Coconut Bliss—flooded with next-door neighbor Townshend's Tea Company's rose-flavored Brew Dr. Kombucha. Despite Back to Eden's popularity and somewhat small space, the line is usually short and I've always found a place to sit. CD
2217 NE Alberta, cart at SE 28th Pl. & Division, backtoedenbakery.com

Lovely's Fifty Fifty
Organic, locally sourced ice cream has a delicious home on Mississippi. I tried three different flavors at Lovely's Fifty Fifty and got the sense that I would happily die in battle if I got to taste ANY of their flavors for eternity in Valhalla. Lovely's has six hard ice cream flavors available at a time, three constants and three rotating. The constants are: Mint Stracciatella, Malted Milk Ball, and Salted Caramel (because this is fancy ice cream and you can't not have salted caramel), and there's usually a wildcard toffee option. They also have chocolate, vanilla, and swirl soft-serve, and killer waffle cones. What in the world are you waiting for? Go. DON HARRIS
4039 N Mississippi, lovelysfiftyfifty.com

Tonallis Doughnuts and Cream
Can't decide between fattening ice cream or just-as-fattening doughnuts? Lard your insides with both at Tonallis, a refreshingly old-school place on NE Alberta that boasts some great doughnuts alongside a huge range of ice cream flavors made by Umpqua and Cascade Glacier. The flavors are wildly varied, but nothing tastier than what you can bring home from the supermarket (still, they're miles better than that awful Blue Bunny stuff at Plaid Pantry). However, the scoops are gigantic—two will flatten even the most lactose-tolerant person—and Tonallis' relaxing vibe is a refreshing antidote to artisanal small-batch Portland. NED LANNAMANN
2805 NE Alberta

Pix Patisserie
The unofficial PDX headquarters of getting a little treat for yourself—and then a little drink to go with that treat—Pix Patisserie boasts five to six rotating flavors ranging from an unfuckwithable vanilla (Tahitian Vanilla Bean) to a more extreme Basil ice cream. That Basil is light, savory, and my new favorite flavor, perfect for sunny days sitting on either of Pix's front or back patios. But I also want to steer you toward the Coconut Chocolate Swirl sorbet. I know, it's frozen ice—CREAMLESS—but both the Coconut Chocolate and White Peach flavors have an unheard amount of sorbet richness. SUZETTE SMITH
2225 E Burnside, pixpatisserie.com

GELATO AND YOGURT SHOPS

Eb and Bean
Eb and Bean creator Elizabeth Nathan traveled to Paris to study with Martine Lambert, "the doyenne of French ice cream." So rest assured the frozen yogurt you get from this hopping NE Broadway joint does not disappoint. The rotating menu includes organic, probiotic rich treats (of the dairy and non-dairy variety) and hand-crafted, inventive flavors. The Valrhona Chocolate is a rich, dark dream, while the Rosemary Caramel is a light, delicate treat whose flavors demand to be savored. A sample taste had me jumping for the Brown Sugar Strawberry Ricotta, which I could not bring myself to share with my dessert-eating partner—because it was just too good to give away. WSH
1425 NE Broadway, ebandbean.com

Pinolo Gelateria
Pinolo—run by a Pisa native with subtlety and style—opened last year and was an instant critical darling. For good reason! This Tuscan-style gelato is impossibly creamy and dense, and the handful of rotating flavors each taste of its ingredients' core essence. The Strawberry is a tart-sweet burst, and the Chocolate is a rush of concentrated cocoa in all its glory. Make sure to order at least two flavors. AD
3707 SE Division, pinologelato.com

Bassotto Gelateria Café
A quick walk from the beating hypotenuse of the Dekum Triangle, Bassotto's both a quintessential neighborhood dessert stop and an essential addition to the block. It's across the street from a pot shop, and next door to a tasty taqueria. Hit those in sequence, then let Bassotto bring it all home, and you're having a pretty good day. The shop's ambitious flavors can cut both ways—the Banana Blackberry is fantastic, while the Chocolate Orange Raspberry is uneven. The Chocolate is flawless, as it should be. A simple Fior di Latte (or "cream") flavor is good, but simple enough to necessitate mixing it with something bold. Bassotto also runs a selection of sorbets. Best of all you can pair most of it with beer, liquor, and prosecco. (Or coffee, I guess.) DIRK VANDERHART
1760 NE Dekum, bassottopdx.com

TartBerry
You don't go to TartBerry for the frozen yogurt. You go for the toppings—three snacky islands full of assorted fruits, bubble tea balls, sour candies (Legos?), Swiss rolls, pump syrups, sprinkles, powders (strawberry Quik?), and even wasabi peas! Avoid the temptation to pile on the snack stuff and get weird. The best results come from a simple combination. Don't mix yogurts, and no more than four toppings. TartBerry's yogurts rotate flavors—except for Euro Tart. That's the standard froyo base and filled with billions of live, active cultures (yum!). You pay for this frozen culture fix by the ounce. SS
915 SW 9th, 536 SW College, tartberryinc.com

Skinnidip[UPDATE, 5/23/2017: BUSINESS CLOSED]
Unlike many other frozen yogurt places, Skinnidip isn't self-serve and they charge by serving size and number of toppings, but it gets the job done. I got a cup of Pomegranate Raspberry sorbet topped with blueberries and strawberries, which hit the spot on a lazy Sunday afternoon. Currently, they've got machines dispensing five frozen yogurts—Mountain Blackberry, Original Tart, Cable Car Chocolate, Country Vanilla, Peanut Butter—and that sorbet, with a bunch of toppings, ranging from a solid fruit selection to all the standard unhealthy options to appease your sweet tooth. DOUG BROWN
2230 W Burnside, skinnidipfrozenyogurt.com

Alotto Gelato
A tiny little shop on NW 23rd, the unfortunately named Alotto Gelato does, to be fair, offer a lot of gelato. I happily tried both the Raspberry Sorbetto and the Pistachio, both of which were totally decent and totally solid. Thankfully, the excellent gelato purveyor working the counter was both philosophical about the nobility of her task (even when the shop gets busy on hot summer days, she said, "everybody's happy when they get gelato") and wise enough to steer me toward the Cookies and Cream. Heavy on the Oreo and topped with a perfectly thick, crunchy layer of frozen chocolate sauce (which also includes chocolate cookie bits), it's as good as Portland gelato gets. Especially when scooped into a waffle cone. Waffle cones for life. EH
931 NW 23rd, alottogelato.biz

Staccato Gelato
Your enjoyment of Staccato Gelato might hinge on your tolerance for child-friendly whimsy, because this NE 28th hidey-hole is packed with it. From the playful décor to the colorful plastic bowls to the special kids' area, Staccato is designed to appeal to your inner rug rat, or the ones you've brought with you. The house-made gelato is totally okay, and they have apparently 120 different kinds that rotate through their repertoire (with around 20 for sale), but the flavors do seem kind of samey and interchangeable. Try the Pistachio or Hazelnut if you see 'em. Prices are great, with two scoops for $3, three for $3.75, and four for $4.50. NL
232 NE 28th, staccatogelato.com

Affogato
An itty-bitty café with a European vibe next to the St. Johns Twin Cinema, Affogato offers coffee and a handful of flavors of house-made gelato. Summer hack: Mix the vegan Lime in the Coconut with the Raspberry for a swirl of bright summery fruit and citrus. We had to try the joint's namesake: a scoop of gelato topped with hot espresso. The nontraditional gelato flavors (we tried Salted Caramel and Cookies and Cream) put a new twist on the Affogato. The Salted Caramel cut the bite of the coffee, and the last sip of the Cookies and Cream was a perfect combination of melted gelato, espresso, and chocolate crumbles. BB
8712 N Lombard

YoChoice
You can get similar frozen yogurt elsewhere in the city, but it'd be hard to find a better selection of toppings than at this self-serve shop. If it were socially acceptable and I knew I wouldn't die of heart failure by the time I'm 30, I'd load up a bowl of their excellent toppings, with just a dab of frozen yogurt to bring it all together. How good would a bowl with Reese's Peanut Butter Cups, Nilla Wafers, yogurt pretzels, peanut M&Ms, Cocoa Puffs, and Oreos be on top of some Alpine Vanilla frozen yogurt? Who knows! But it's only 44 cents per ounce, so you can find out for yourself. DB
4941 NE Fremont, yochoiceyogurt.com

Nectar Frozen Yogurt Lounge
Nectar is all about comfort. The lounge atmosphere is extremely conducive to sinking into a plush chair or couch and slurping down a huge tub of delicious froyo covered with practically every topping known to humankind. The "serve yourself" taps are perfect for mixing and matching flavors such as Fancy French Vanilla with Pink Lemonade Dreamsicle, or Chocolate Classic with Orange Dole Whip. And after loading it down with your choice of decadent toppings and chocolate, hot fudge, or caramel sauces, you weigh it and then you pay for it. Are you embarrassed from overdoing it? Eat your shame—along with some of the best comfort froyo in town. WSH
1631 SE Bybee, 7847 SW Capitol, nectarfroyo.com