STATEMENT BY HOUSE SPEAKER PAUL RYAN ON DONALD TRUMP’S SERIAL MURDERS
Washington, DC—House Speaker Paul Ryan (R-WI) issued the following statement in response to President Donald Trump’s luring of victims into his van, murdering them with a Montblanc Meisterstück fountain pen, and disposing of the bodies in the Potomac over the past five months:
“It appears that the President has been doing some things that some people don’t agree with. I’m not going to speculate on any of this, and I’m not going to worry about things that I have no control over, but I will say this: The President is new at this. He’s new to government, so he probably wasn’t steeped in the long-running protocols that establish the relationship between a President and his constituency.
Is it okay to talk to them? Sure. Is it okay to stand with them in a casual dining establishment and “get folksy?” Absolutely. Is it okay to follow them from said establishment, pull up next to them as they’re walking home, lure them into a plastic-lined Chevy van, stab them repeatedly, then wrap them in plastic and dump the body into the Potomac? Probably not, but I’ve been doing this a long time, so I’m more educated about the little-known regulations that are hidden in whatever arcane documents live in the dust-laden halls of Congress. He’s just new to this. The American people need to give him a chance.