Summer is the perfect time to tell your real life to go fuck itself. Days off from work should be spent tanning yourself at the river, surfing at the coast, pontooning around the lake, and of course, drinking. Once that five o'clock bell sounds, get yourself out to the local bar patio to soak up the Vitamin D (derived from sunlight) and the Vitamin C (derived from a Greyhound). Here are some, but nowhere near all, of Portland's great outdoor drinking-equipped establishments.

15 SE 28th, 231-1093

During the summer, Holman's interior becomes something akin to the seventh circle of hell, as opposed to its usual heavenly dive-iness. When I rolled through on a recent afternoon, a man sitting at the bar was sopping with sweat, the guy in the kitchen looked as if he was moments from heat stroke, a few booth-sitting patrons were dewy and moist, and a delivery man was gushing sweat out his forehead and underarms. I wondered to myself why the patrons weren't out back, but apparently they like to suffer. Holman's houses Portland's most classic outdoor drinking patio, with a ton of big, round, umbrella-ed tables, a kitschy fountain, an unexplainable fiberglass tree stump, and equal parts sun and shade. A great place for warm nights because you won't get kicked out for being noisy, and a super place to sweat out your hangover over a greasy brunch. KS (If you like this patio, you'll also like Produce Row's secluded backspace at 204 SE Oak.)

Billy Ray's
2216 NE MLK, 287-7254; Big Pig Roast and Luau, Sun August 14, 3-10 pm, free

Pardon the pun, but Billy Ray's Neighborhood Dive is really turning up the heat this summer. Already, they've hosted the season's most blockbuster blowout, featuring a mechanical bull, and they're back at it. This Sunday, they celebrate their utterly lovable back patio with a Big Pig Roast and Hawaiian Luau. Not for the weak of stomach, they'll be spitting and roasting a whole pig, and the normally beer-and-wine-only tavern will be hosting a full bar with tropical cocktails. It is certainly a fine day for the bar, for sun worshippers, for pig-roasting enthusiasts everywhere, and for those of us who just love a stiff drink. KS

1305 SE 8th, 230-9020

Though we've spilled enough ink and drool in these pages attesting to the glories of new-ish Southeast bar Acme, we've never mentioned its greatest feature, its secret summer weapon: the patio. Undetectable from the street, Acme's outdoor space is enormous and lined with picnic tables. It's accessed through a wall-sized garage door, so its existence even provides a cool breeze for the patrons who won't risk separating themselves from the physical bar. On hot nights, it can get pretty competitive in the seating department, but Acme's patio is huge enough that you've got a decent shot, even on weekend nights. MS

|440 NE 28th, 233-6937

Now owned by my old favorite Sandy Hut bartender Ted, and one of my old favorite haunts, I have both a rich past and a rich future with Lucky's. Their enclosed patio is great for you and your loud friends because the bar is tolerant, and the fence is high. The bartenders here make a decent drink and treat you nice, and the bar itself is patronized by a mix of working class folk, hipsters, and anybody else you can think of. Spend three minutes at Lucky's by yourself and you're guaranteed a cold beer and a new friend—which on a lazy Sunday afternoon sounds pretty good to me. KS

Slow Bar
533 SE Grand, 230-7767

Slow Bar just recently hooked up some fancy outdoor seating, which is best taken advantage of during lunch, happy hour (3-6 pm; wells $2.50, beer a buck off, great cheap food), and early evening (you know, 'cuz you stay out there any later and the neighbors complain). Their setup is much like the Bonfire Lounge's in that attractive people line the streets and mingle, drinking fresh fruit cocktails and eating some of Portland's best ceviche and the bar's amazing seared tuna salad. If you don't like the punk rockers or hardcore music that comes out late at night, you're kind of a wuss, but I'd recommend grabbing dinner here, then heading over to the gigantic back patio at the Doug Fir (830 E Burnside). KS