Dan Savage

Joe Newton As you can see by my signature, Dan, I’m a linguist. On your podcast you frequently ask researchers “whatchyougot” on all kinds of sex- and romance-related questions, I thought maybe you’d be interested in some expertise on linguistic matters too. And I have some on “cum,” “cumming,” and (shudder) “cummed.” The technical term […]

Joe Newton We’re an adventurous, bisexual, non-monogamous, opposite-sex couple with a teenage kid living in Europe. We don’t really struggle with finding and trying new and interesting stuff in bed. However, we do have a problem and it’s getting worse. Having sex is, well, weird, when the kid is at home. We can’t be loud, […]

Joe Newton One of my very close friends, a lesbian, has been married for a couple of years now. It’s been nothing but drama since the day they met. My friend had a terrible home life growing up and doesn’t understand stability. She also has zero self-confidence. My friend and her wife are constantly calling […]

Joe Newton We hosted our second Savage Love Livestream last week and it was a blast. I ran my mouth as fast as I could but couldn’t answer every question that came in—there were hundreds of you and only one of me—so I’m going to power through as many leftover questions as I can in […]

Joe Newton I’m wondering if you can help me with some dream interpretation. If it helps for context, I’m a single 29-year-old gay man. For just about as long as I can remember, I’ve been having mildly unsatisfying sex dreams in that the dreams never seem to lead to sex itself. My dream partners range […]

Joe Newton Something is bothering me and I don’t know where else to turn. I’m a bisexual man. I’ve been married to a great guy for the past six years. Despite COVID we gathered safely for an outdoors Thanksgiving dinner with my family. My mom, my brother and sister-in-law, and my adult nieces and nephews […]

Joe Newton I’m a lesbian and my girlfriend is bi. I’ve read your column and listened to your podcast for a long time, Dan, and I always thought I’d be fine with having a partner ask me about being monogamish. Then my girlfriend of about a year and a half told me she wants to see […]

Joe Newton My boyfriend and I were friends for a couple of years (we’re both 30-year-old gay men), then I stopped traveling around the world and pursued him. We’ve been boyfriends for a year and a half now. We were both happy and we had sex on a regular basis during the first year. I’m […]

Joe Newton I’ve always been excited by BDSM but I’ve only minimally explored this side of myself until very recently. I’m a straight woman and it was difficult to find men who wanted more monogamish relationships on the traditional apps and a challenge to be honest about what I am looking for where kink is […]

Joe Newton Why are threesomes much more accepted in the popular imagination than foursomes? I was just googling “finding foursomes” and the first result is an article about threesomes that takes for granted that people are looking for MFF. That is a form of heteronormativity, right? I am not judging threesomes, of course, but asking why […]

Joe Newton I’m a nearly-80 straight male, with undiminished libido. I have no problem with it, just a persistent curiosity. Like, why now? And why so various? And is it common among us old geezers? Male and female? I’m more sex-obsessed than ever before, including adolescence. Until my sixties, tits were my sexual focus, and […]

Joe Newton I’ve been in a relationship with a wonderful guy for the past year. The only problem is that he works with a girl he used to fuck. It wasn’t just sex—they would go on dates and even went on vacation together. He kept this little “detail” to himself for six full months before […]