OBJECTIVE FACT 1: The Aces are Portland's most hilarious comic duo, and if you haven't seen sketch artists Shelley McLendon and Michael Fetters work the stage, you are missing some of the smartest, funniest comedy in town.

OBJECTIVE FACT 2: And among The Aces' funniest sketches are the ones that revolve around animals. Both McLendon and Fetters are gifted physical comedians, and their portrayal of various members of the animal kingdom is simultaneously gut-busting and poignant.

OBJECTIVE FACT 3: Hence, this is why those who like to laugh should catch this weekend's debut of The Aces Present Animal Kingdom, in which they perform their most beloved animal sketches, plus a few new ones as well! You'll see larcenous raccoons, annoying bees trapped inside cars, and (one of my fave sketches of all time) angry gorilla parents, all in one super fun show.

OBJECTIVE FACT 4: You will click this link right here right now to buy your tickets for The Aces Present Animal Kingdom, which starts tonight (Fri May 6 at 8 pm) and for four performances only (through May 14) at the Siren Theater, 315 NW Davis.

OBJECTIVE FACT 5: Beyonce's Lemonade is one of the greatest works of art of this decade, if not the century, and the pistachio is God's favorite nut.