It must be hard being a politician. You have to do all that fundraising, give countless speeches, meet with lobbyists, go on TV news, compose tweets — exhausting work! That’s probably why it’s so hard to find a politician who has time in the day for one of the optional components of the job: running the country.
We’re coming up on two months now since Obama nominated Judge Merrick Garland to the US Supreme Court, and we’re pretty much in the same a holding pattern that we were then. Democrats are thinking about holding a double-pretend non-hearing — which I didn’t even know was a thing — while Republicans have decided that segregated toilets is the issue that needs their attention. And Fox News is in an uproar over Obama’s decision to honor the bison.
Here’s the latest on poor Merrick Garland: It turns out that Democrats aren’t going to hold a double-pretend non-hearing, because “that gets [Republicans] off the hook. The Senate is not a pretend office,” says Patrick Leahy. But they ARE going to hold a forum on Wednesday of this week. What’s the difference between a hearing and a forum? Well, they’re similar, but a forum is even more meaningless. Democrats will get to ask questions about Garland, reporters will come if it doesn’t conflict with covering Donald Trump, and following it there’ll be a bunch of press releases and then nothing. So it’s essentially a pretend-pretend-hearing.
And Garland’s nomination is just one of many being delayed by the Republicans who control Congress. Confirmations for district court positions are at their lowest in decades, possibly ever. That’s led to a skyrocketing number of “judicial emergencies,” the term for a court being so overloaded with cases that people simply can’t access the judicial system.
For now, the Supreme Court is doing okay. They just declined to hear a challenge to a case that might’ve endangered transgender access to toilets. The situation is complicated and involves a maze of precedents and regulations, but the short version is this: prior rulings give the administration the ability to issue directives such as the recent one ordering schools nationwide to give trans students equal access to toilets. Those rulings were challenged in a case relating to student debt. The Supreme Court just rejected an attempt to throw out those precedents. So, essentially, it’s still safe for you to pee, trans kids.
At least, it’s SUPPOSED to be safe. Texas officials have decided that with all the challenges facing the country and their state right now, the most important thing they can do is defend segregated toilets — now, tomorrow, and forever. Nothing could possibly be more important than sorting trans kids out of toilets and sending them somewhere, anywhere, other than the toilets everyone else is using.
“I believe it is the biggest issue facing families and schools in America since prayer was taken out of public schools,” says Texas Lt. Governor Dan Patrick.
The biggest issue facing families and schools! Wow! But why stop there, Dan? The idea that somewhere a person could use a toilet that has a stick figure different from what is indicated on their birth certificate could be the biggest issue facing HUMANITY.
Except no, according to Fox News, it is not. The most important issue is President Obama’s flagrant disrespect for the American eagle. Obama just signed a bipartisan bill to designate bison as the official mammal of the United States, and so Fox News dedicated a segment to how much more noble eagles are.
Just to be clear: Eagles are disgusting roadkill-eaters, stupid cowardly birds that can barely take care of themselves and instead scavenge for small animals that are already injured or dead. They were adopted as a national symbol because the founders of the country failed three times to come up with a design for the national seal, and eventually settled for some modifications to an old Roman military icon.
Actually, you know what? Fox News is right. Eagles are a perfect symbol.