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Courtesy Craigslist

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You've seen this behemoth perched on the Burnside Bridgehead, and now the YARD is advertising one bedroom apartments (available Aug 1) for the low, low price of only $2364 per month. BUT LOOK AT WHAT YOU'LL GET FOR THAT PRICE!

808 square feet of sprawling luxury!

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Courtesy Craigslist

From the ad:

Situated on a bend of the Willamette River, YARD unmasks stunning views of Downtown Portland, Mount St. Helens, Mt. Hood and the greater Eastside of Portland

Note: While "unmasking" views for YARD residents, it "masks" the views for practically everyone else in the area. BUT THEN YOU'RE NOT PAYING $2364 PER MONTH, ARE YOU?!?

Let's take a peek at what your future apartment might look like. (Staging courtesy of the YARD!)

Your kitchen is conveniently located right next to your living room, bed and bath, so you wont get lost.
Your kitchen is conveniently located right next to your living room, bed and bath, so you won't get lost. Courtesy Craigslist

This living room is a great place to put your Dr. Seuss art, acoustic guitar, typewriter, and TV that only shows the Portland skyline that you can also see outside your window.
This living room is a great place to put your Dr. Seuss art, acoustic guitar, typewriter, and TV that only shows the Portland skyline that you can also see outside your window. Courtesy Craigslist

Not only can you hang up your bike, it also has a portal to another dimension (right) where rent for a one bedroom is only $600 per month.
Not only can you hang up your bike, it also has a portal to another dimension (right) where rent for a one bedroom is only $600 per month. Courtesy Craigslist

This is where all your sweet, sweet fucking will happen.
This is where all your sweet, sweet fucking will happen. Courtesy Craigslist

Look, if you can afford $2634 per month, you can afford a jar filled with 10,000 Q-Tips.
Look, if you can afford $2634 per month, you can afford a jar filled with 10,000 Q-Tips. Courtesy Craigslist

AND YES! You CAN have pets! However each of them have to put down a $400 security deposit, and then pay $35 per month in rent. Hey... I can swing that! Anybody interested in a roomie?

You and me as roommates would make a great sitcom.
You and me as roommates would make a great sitcom.

For more info, go here or here.

For more stories about apartments you can't afford...

Burnside 26: The Apartments You Can't Afford Just Sold for a Price You Couldn't Afford

Meet Hawkman & Hawkgirl: The Newest Residents of Burnside 26

Portland's Most Haunted New Developments

Everything as Fuck: Burnside 26

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