Kristjen Nielsen will reportedly lose her job as DHS secretary. Credit: ALEX WONG / GETTY IMAGES

Stay up to date on Portland news and politics. Looking for fun? Here are the best Things to Do in Portland today.

Kirstjen Nielsen will reportedly lose her job as DHS secretary.
Kirstjen Nielsen will reportedly lose her job as DHS secretary. ALEX WONG / GETTY IMAGES

Good morning, Portland! The high today is 55 degrees, and the sun will set before 5 pm, rendering the concept of time irrelevant. Not sure how “news” will work in a timeless society, but here are the headlines anyway:

Most Un-Spirited: Per our own Alex Zielinski, one of the “Spirit of Portland” award recipients is passing on the honor, in protest of Mayor Ted Wheeler’s possibly unconstitutional proposed protest ordinance. “While I was incredibly honored to be chosen for this award, it doesn’t feel appropriate to accept when the city lacks a true commitment to civil rights,” said Bobbin Singh, founder and director of the Oregon Justice Resource Center.

The Portland City Council is set to vote on the ordinance tomorrow.

Suck It Up: Also on the City Council’s Wednesday agenda: possibly banning plastic straws. Apropos of nothing, here’s a link to the Wikipedia page for “greenwashing.”

Sinematic: It was reported last night that Democrat Kyrsten Sinema eked out a narrow win against Republican Martha McSally in the Arizona senate race. Sinema, who was the first openly bisexual person elected to the House of Representatives in 2013, will be Arizona’s first Democratic senator in 30 years.

So Long, True Believers: Comic book legend Stan Lee passed away yesterday at 95 years old. Bobby Roberts reflected on what Lee meant for the comics industry, and the wider culture: “Whatever his skills as a storyteller, his skills as a salesman were unmatched: the comics industry would not look, sound, or work the way it does today if Stan Lee had not been there to steer it.”

Up in Flames: The combined death toll for California’s wildfires has now climbed to 44. “Basically there was like a ring of fire all around,” recounted a survivor to the New York Times. “There was this thick, thick smoke, and just a bunch of ashes everywhere.”

Walmart in the Cloud: It’s official: Amazon will split its new headquarters between New York City and a suburb of Washington, D.C. As NPR points out, the corporate behemoth is “bring[ing] these well-paying jobs to areas where six-figure salaries are not unusual.” The move could also mean even higher rent and worse traffic for these already-impacted areas.

Court TV: CNN is suing Donald Trump and his top aides after they denied White House entry to reporter Jim Acosta. Can’t wait to see the White House’s next experimental film explaining that actually, Acosta was let into the White House, duh.

Kirstjen is Leavjing: According to the Mercury Sex Survey, Kirstjen Nielsen is the most fuckable member of the Trump administration. Unfortunately for Nielsen, neither that honor nor her affinity for putting kids in cages will be enough to keep her job safe.

I Found This Funny: Clickhole’s deranged listicles continue to define this American era. (And also, Phoebe was not only the best “Friend,” but also the only one worth watching for! Fight me.)

Blair Stenvick is a former news reporter and culture writer for the Portland Mercury.