I was dumped in August by a guy I was seeing for ten months. He told me that he wants to work on himself and âneeds to be selfishâ right now. Since then, we have spoken every day, shared numerous dinners, and gone on hikes. Our friendship is killing me. With him I hold it together. Away from him I cry all the time. Iâve started seeing a therapist and Iâm on medication. Iâm trying to be mature about the breakup and match his level of âcoolnessâ but itâs destroying me. My friends tell me that I should stay away from him, allow some time to pass, and reassess. But the thought of losing him is almost as bad as the thought of keeping him in my life.
Simply Heartbroken And Talking To Ex Really Extending Depression
âHey, Dan, what Iâm doing is making me miserableâshould I stop?â
Yes, SHATTERED, you should stop. Your friends are giving you excellent advice: stay away from this guy for at least a yearâdonât talk on the phone (with him), donât share meals (with him), donât go on hikes (with him)âand then see how you feel after youâve talked, shared meals, and gone on hikes with other people. Itâs always nice when exes are friends, MTP, but itâs not an easy pivot and it canât be executed instantly. And the transition to friendship is always much harder for the person who was dumpedâbecause of course it isâand itâs even harder when a selfish dumper accepts or demands the kind of attention and emotional support from the dumpee that the dumper is no longer entitled to.
P.S. If you ended a ten-year relationship to date someoneâif you ended it for a romantic prospect, not a romantic certainty (and thereâs no such thing as a romantic certainty)âthen that ten-year relationship needed to end. If your ex-boyfriend implored you to end that ten-year relationship and ten months later dumped you to âwork on himselfâ and then did everything in his power to keep you all to himself even after dumping you, then that âfriendshipâ needs to end too. At least for the time being.
My name is a variation on âJohn Smith.â I met a woman and she liked me but then she did a cheapo background check on me and found a âJohn Smithâ who had committed feloniesâincluding assaulting a high school principalâand ended things with me. I am not that âJohn Smithâ and I am innocent of these crimes! She had every reason to trust me: we met at my house and she viewed the premises without incident. What do I do?
Not That Guy
You had this woman over to yours, NTG, and she viewed the premises without incident. Okay⌠so you didnât rape or kill her when she dropped in and that speaks well absolute bare fucking minimum of your character. But it doesnât obligate her to keep seeing you. If you can prove youâre not John Smith, High School Principal Assaulter, and she doesnât care, NTG, then thereâs some other reason doesnât want to see you again. (Was there a MAGA hat on the premises?) But whatever her real reason is/real reasons are, youâve been given a âno.â And like everyone else, NTG, you have to take ânoâ for an answer even when it feels unfair or arbitrary.
Iâve been with my boyfriend for almost five years and everything is amazing except that he sees his ex-girlfriend when Iâm not around. He says she wants to meet me but he never wants to meet up with her when Iâm with him. Their âdatesâ are becoming more frequent. Sheâs a single mom and he has expressed to me that he wants to be in her sonâs life. My feelings of discomfort are escalating and Iâm having trouble believing him when he says he wants me to meet her. When I bring this up, he gets angry and says Iâm being too emotional. Am I being a crazy jealous girlfriend? I need some help. I want to be a better person. Should I reach out to his ex-girlfriend directly since my boyfriend refuses to make it happen? Or do I bail on the relationship? I feel that uncomfortable.
Ex-Girlfriend Looms Over Everything
Bail.
Iâm in my early 30âs and Iâve been struggling to make new friends. A lot of the people in my extended social circle are polyamorous/queer, and while I identify as queer, Iâm in a monogamish relationship that isnât poly. Lately I have been finding that I have been getting approached a lot by people who want a romantic/sexual connection. It seems like the only people who want me around lately want in my pants and they assume because Iâm queer Iâm also poly without asking directly. So people ask me if I want to âhangoutâ and Iâm often unsure if they mean âhangoutâ in a date context or a friend context. Iâve end up on dates I didnât know I was going on! My biggest issue is that I donât understand why people want to date/fuck me but donât want to be my friend. Iâm pretty average looking and I am not overly flirty. So why is this happening?
Noodling On This Problem Over Lattes, Yeah?
Thereâs nothing stopping you from askingâasking directlyâfor a little clarity: âHangout? Iâd love to! But do you mean âhangoutâ as in âspend time together as friendsâ or âhangoutâ as in âletâs-go-on-a-dateâ? I ask because Iâve wound up on a couple of dates that I didnât know were dates and it was awkward.â As for why this is happening⌠well, either the poly people in your social circle assumeâincorrectlyâthat all queer people are poly or youâre much more attractive than youâre giving yourself credit for, NOTPOLY, or some combo of both.
Iâm a gay man who, due to extensive BDSM play, has developed very prominent nipples. Theyâre always erect and very visible through my clothing unless I wear outrageous patterns or tape them down. Yes, Iâm somewhat embarrassed by them. I donât have gynecomastia (moobs), just really, really, really noticeable nipples. While they are a definite boon between the sheets, theyâre a bane on the streets because Iâm very self-conscious about them. Do people notice this sort of thing on men? Is their reaction negative? Am I being ridiculed behind my back? Mind you, folks universally treat me with kindness and respect, probably because thatâs how I approach everyone else, but a little voice in my head keeps telling me thereâs this shameful part of my body thatâs being made fun of by everyone. Well, everyone except the guys who helped get me to this point. Your thoughts?
Tortured In Tormenting Situations
Only a small percentage of the people you meet will notice your nipples, TITS, and the thought processes for 99.9% of the people who do notice will go something like this: âBig nips. Eh, whateverâ; the noticers will immediately file this useless-to-them information about your tits away and never give it/them another thought. (Unless youâre Andrew Cuomo.) I think youâre self-conscious about your tits because you know why theyâre so prominent: extensive and, I assume, highly enjoyable BDSM play, TITS, and you worry other peopleâstraight people, vanilla people, judgy gaysâwill take one look and realize youâre kinky motherfucker. But most people wonât make that leap and the ones who do are either kinky themselves or, if not, they arenât going to dwell on your tits or hold them against you. Stop kink-shaming yourself. You earned those titsâyou suffered for themâand you should be proud of them!
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