Something is bothering me and I donāt know where else to turn. Iām a bisexual man. Iāve been married to a great guy for the past six years. Despite COVID we gathered safely for an outdoors Thanksgiving dinner with my family. My mom, my brother and sister-in-law, and my adult nieces and nephews and their partners were there. Each household contributed to the feast and we had a wonderful evening. While my husband and I were snuggling in bed later he said that my casserole was a big hit thanks to the āsecret ingredient.ā When I asked what he meant, he informed me that he had deposited my come from a blowjob heād given me earlier that day in my half-finished casserole. When I asked why he did this, he said he thought it was hot and he was...
Confused And Shuddering Sleeplessly, Entirely Revolted Over Loaded EntrƩe
Some letters you suspect are fake, some letters you know are fake, and some letters you hope are fake. I wish I could say this letter fell into the second categoryāa letter I knew to be fakeābut I once got a letter from a man who would excuse himself at dinner parties, quickly rub one out in the bathroom, and then dip the bristles of his hostsā toothbrushes in his semen. (That was twenty years ago and I still secure my toothbrush in a secret, undisclosed location whenever we have company.) So as much as I wished we lived in a world where something like this could never happen, CASSEROLE, we sadly donāt live in that world.
That saidā¦ some details donāt add up. Iāve been in the receiving end of plenty of blowjobs in my time, CASSEROLE, and there are tells when a guy doesnāt swallow. A man whoās holding your load in his mouth has a certain look; his mouth and jaw are set in a particular and revealing way. Thereās also no post-blowjob kissing or snuggling. And if you were to say, āThank you, that was great,ā and they hummed back, āMmm-hmm,ā instead of saying, āYouāre welcome,ā you would immediately know the guy didnāt swallow. And yet you would have us believe that your husband somehow gave you a blowjob and somehow didnāt swallow your load without you noticing and thenā¦ what? He strolled around the house with a mouth full of come until the opportunity to defile your casserole presented itself?
Then againā¦ impromptu blowjobs sometimes happen, CASSEROLE, and they sometimes happen in kitchens. So I suppose itās possible your husband interrupted you while you were making a casserole and then quickly leaned over and spat your load into your casserole and managed to give it quick stirā¦ without you noticing the spit or the stir? Sounds improbableā¦ but I suppose your husband could have created a diversion that took your attention off him and that mouthful of come and your casserole long enough to execute the spit-and-stir maneuver undetected. Perhaps he pointed at something outside the window or tossed a flash-bang grenade into the dining room.
But even if he did all of thisāblew you, didnāt swallow, created a diversion, spat your semen into a casserole you planned to share with your entire familyāwould he tell you about it? The guy who was glazing his friendās toothbrushes didnāt brag to his friends about it. He wrote to me about it, described it as a compulsion, and asked me how to stop. That your husband would be so clueless as to think you wouldnāt be revolted and upset by this is, if youāll forgive me, a little hard to swallow.
Stillā¦ your nieces and nephews are adultsā¦ so itās possible you and your husband are getting up there in yearsā¦ and he could be suffering from early-onset dementia; inappropriate sexual behavior and poor impulse control can be early symptoms.
So on the off, off, off chance this actually happened, CASSEROLE, hereās my advice: If your husband spat your load into a half-finished casserole and then watched your whole family consume it and then assumed you would think it was hot, CASSEROLE, then you absolutely, positively need to divorce him. Let us count the ways you canāt trust this man: you canāt trust him with your semen, you canāt trust him not to feed your come to your mother, you canāt trust him around your siblings and nieces and nephews. You canāt even leave him in the company of an unaccompanied casserole. So unless you looked into his eyes on your wedding day and thought, āThis is a guy who would feed a woman her own sonās semen and Iām fine with that,ā your husband isnāt the āgreat guyā you thought he was. Heās a monster and what he did unforgivable, even criminal. Divorce the asserole. You might want to consider calling the cops and pressing charges for sexual assaultāhereās hoping you saved some of the casserole for DNA testingābut youāll have to weigh involving the police against burdening your mother with the knowledge of your Thanksgiving casseroleās secret ingredient.
P.S. A casserole is really more of a side dish at Thanksgiving, isnāt it?
Forgive my English.Ā I write from Italy. I'm a quarter of a century old and I have been with my girlfriend for seven years. I can't tell you how long the "sex highā lastedāthe time when she wanted to have sex as often as possibleābut it was maybe three years. Now if sheās stressed, if we are not in a bed, if she hasnāt just shaved her legs, if sheās just woke up, if sheās nervous for any reason at all, she doesn't want to have sex. I'm not one of those men who thinks exclusively about his own pleasure. I have asked her if she has any fantasies. She does not.Ā I have asked her if I should be doing anything different. She says not. She doesn't masturbate, she doesn't watch porn. I purchased a sex toy for us. She will not touch it. And when I try to talk to her, she says that her sexuality is none of my business. I am miserable. I don't know what to do. She says I am " fixated on sex" and that there is more to life than that. I jerk off a lot, of course, which she only just started to accept. At first she considered it equivalent to cheating. Is it wrong to end a relationship of seven years because of a matter of different views on sex? I love her so much and leaving would be hard. Please help me.
Who Has Yearnings
Forgive my bluntness: Either your girlfriend never liked sex all that much or, after seven years, sheās no longer excited by sex with you. If she were willing to talk about it, WHY, you might be able to do something about it; you might be able to revive your sex life by trying new things together, experimenting with toys, having adventures. But sheās made it clear sheās not interested in discussing things, much less doing things. And while she doesnāt think her sexuality is any of your business, she clearly sees your sexuality as her business, e.g. until recently she thought you were cheating on her when you jerked offā¦ which is kind of nuts, considering how infrequently she wants to fuck you.
Thereās nothing wrong with ending a sexually exclusive relationship when the sex doesnāt work and your partner couldnāt care less that youāre unhappy and only grudgingly allows you to masturbate. As much as you love her, itās not working and itās only going to get worse. Youāre at once every two weeks now and will soon be down to once a month, then once every three months, then once a year. Eventually youāll cheat on her out of sheer desperation and the breakup wonāt just be painful, WHY, it will be messy and painful and youāll be cast as the bad guy. Donāt wait for your dick to slam itself down on the self-destruct button. End it now.
P.S. Your English is so much better than my Italian!
A personal note: Allena Gabosch was a towering figure in Seattle's sex-positive community. She co-founded Seattleās Beyond the Edge CafĆ©, which quickly became a warm and welcoming home for Seattleās queer, kink, and poly communities. She went on to lead Seattleās Sex Positive Community Center, aka āThe Wet Spot,ā and helped launch the Seattle Erotic Arts Festival. She was a gifted public speaker, a tireless advocate, and a hilarious storyteller with a giving and generous spirit. She also made the best chocolate chip cookies in town. Allena will be missed and she will be remembered. My condolences to her many friends and many families.
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