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Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez reports she had a close encounter with death during the Capitol siege.
Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez reports she had a "close encounter" with death during the Capitol siege. Pool / Getty Images

GOOD MORNING, PORTLAND! Chill out, what ya yellin' for? Lay back, it's all been done before. LET'S GO TO PRESS.

• Why, good morning, déjà vu! The loser who just can't stop losing, Donald Trump, is set to lose again today as the House tees up to impeach him for a humiliating second time. However, what's different about this go-around is that there's the faintest whisper of a possibility he may be convicted by the Senate. The impeachment debate kicked off today after the House formally asked mewling mama's boy Mike Pence to invoke the 25th Amendment, to which he promptly replied, "Mew! Mew! Me am afwaid of Twump, so me say NO!"

• Citing very real safety concerns, around 15,000 National Guard members are being sent to Washington, DC to guard the inauguration festivities—and many of them will be armed. Meanwhile the Secret Service says they are even "throwing the kitchen sink at this event" making the inauguration one of the most protected affairs in modern history.

• As more GOP legislators (such as #3 Republican Liz Cheney) wake up to the idea that their rat-filled ship is quickly sinking, they are warming up to the idea of impeaching Trump. In fact, even Senate Majority Turtle Mitch McConnell has been overheard saying that he believes the president committed impeachable offenses and a conviction could exorcise Trump from the GOP forever. (Maybe Mitch could join him? We don't want him to be lonely!)

• Why the Capitol was left so undefended during the domestic terrorist siege is beginning to come into focus: According to reports, while the FBI knew of coming violence, the choice was made to not distribute the intelligence, fearing... violating free speech protections? That clunking sound you hear are heads beginning to roll.

• NBC News is reporting that 50 armed DHS officers were just standing around with their thumbs tucked inside their butts, as violent domestic terrorists swept through the Capitol. Apparently they were waiting for deployment orders that never came. (LOOKS HARD AT DEPARTED DHS CHIEF CHAD "CHODE" WOLF.)

• Today in OH, HELL NO: Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez revealed yesterday that she experienced a "close encounter" during the Capitol attack and did not know "if I was going to make it to the end of that day alive." If the chuds don't want to see the rest of us flip over the game table, they'd best not lay a finger on our AOC!

• A "Stop the Steal" right-wing organizer of the Capitol tragedy claims that he had some help putting it together—from Trump-supporting GOP Representatives Andy Biggs, Mo Brooks, and Paul Gosar. Can't remember exactly where I've heard this phrase before, but "LOCK. THEM. UP!"

• It's been on the rocks for awhile now, but New York City's love affair with Trump is officially kaput, after Mayor Bill de Blasio announced that the city is terminating all business contracts with the prez following his incitement of last week's chud attacks.

• Another chud bites the dust: The Capitol rioter famous for wearing an antisemitic "Camp Auschwitz" shirt has been arrested. Authorities claim hundreds more arrests are on the way, and many may be charged with crimes of sedition.

• YouTube has finally joined the army of social media companies who has kicked Trump's wrinkled ass off their platform (if only for a week) citing "ongoing potential for violence." Welcome to the revolution, YouTube.

• And yes, the pandemic is still raging. Yesterday marked the most COVID-related deaths reported in a single day across the nation with more than 4,320 fatalities (that we know of).


• According to the Oregon Health Authority, the state tied its record yesterday for most COVID deaths reported in a single day with 54 people passing away from the virus, and 1,203 new positive cases. Meanwhile Gov. Brown moved three more counties to the highest level "extreme risk" category, and announced that, starting January 23, Oregonians age 65 and over along with teachers can start getting the coronavirus vaccine, which is much early than previously planned.

• Oregon small businesses who have struggled to pay rent may be getting some relief from the state as the legislature has approved $100 million in grant money designed to get businesses current with their landlords. But COOL YOUR JETS! Since they're just now rolling it out, it could be four-to-six weeks before the state starts taking applications.

• Our Alex Zielinski attended a training session for Portland Street Response—a new city program designed to send trained therapists and emergency medical technicians to assist those in mental health crisis or with homelessness concerns rather than sending in the cops... which as we have been repeatedly reminded is an absolutely terrible idea.

• Check out this excellent interview from our Blair Stenvick who talks to Eric Ward, the director of the Portland-based racial justice and inclusive democracy organization Western States Center, and an expert on the subject of white nationalism and the various domestic threats facing our country—things you are very interesting in right now!

• Miss the live concert-going experience? Then DO NOT MISS the new Mercury Music Series, featuring livestream performances by your fave Portland artists—debuting with the fantastic BLOSSOM! Coming at you January 28!

• Let the bells ring and the confetti fall! Tickets are now on sale for the super sexy HUMP! 2021 Film Festival, featuring an array of hot 'n' horny amateur dirty flicks submitted by hot people like YOU. Get your tickets now!

• Now let's crane our necks skyward at the WEATHER: The rain comes to an end today with partly cloudy skies and a high of 49.

• And finally, I know a lot of you traitorous chuds are gonna be looking for a lawyer. So consider the services of Drew Morgan, Patriot at Law™!