Known fucking moron admits to being a fucking moron.
Known fucking moron admits to being a "fucking moron." Douglas P. DeFelice / Stringer / Getty

Here's your daily roundup of all the latest local and national news. (Like our coverage? Please consider making a recurring contribution to the Mercury to keep it comin'!)

IN LOCAL NEWS:

• Mayor Ted Wheeler has found time in his busy schedule of fretting about broken windows to release a proposed city budget for the coming year. But before you nod off to sleep, this shit is actually important and YOU can influence where this money goes (not to cops, right?). Our Alex Zielinski has done the heavy lifting of digging deep into the budget and deftly explaining it all to dummies like me. CHECK IT OUT!

• Two heavy hitters, Oregon Attorney General Ellen Rosenblum and Multnomah County District Attorney Mike Schmidt, are teaming up to broaden the investigation into the police shooting death of Robert Delgado, a houseless man whose friends say suffered from mental illness. It's notable because this is the first time in two decades that such a partnership of prosecutors has occurred. Our Alex Zielinski has more!

• According to a wrap-up report on last year's nightly Black Lives Matter demonstrations, the Portland Police Bureau appears wildly out-of touch with the reasons why the protests happened in the first place. Here's what the cops think, according to their report: “It appeared as if many younger people, lacking entertainment and work, often attended the protests, with some gathering regularly to socialize and drink and a portion of those then engaging in criminal activity.” Not mentioned: the years of brutality and death inflicted on communities of color and those in mental distress. (Still think they can be reformed?)

• Governor Kate Brown has extended the "state of emergency" across Oregon until at least June 28 due to the spike in COVID-19 cases and hospitalizations—but! She also hinted that the "state of emergency" could soon be over if everyone does their part to keep infections down.

IN NATIONAL NEWS:

• According to a new CNN poll, roughly 25 percent of Americans are refusing to get the COVID vaccine, but are very much ready to reenter society, spreading the virus far and wide. Unsurprisingly, the majority of that 25 percent are Republican men and *checks notes* "assholes."

• While we're on the subject of "assholes," podcasting butter-dick Joe Rogan is walking back his utterly stupid and wrong-headed advice that healthy young people shouldn't get the vaccine, correctly adding, "I'm not a doctor, I'm a fucking moron." Now there's a statement I can get behind.

• Busy Bee Biden made his first speech to Congress last night laying out his pretty damn progressive argument to expand the government's safety net for Americans and take the first steps to eradicate poverty (as well as giving a historic shoutout of support to transgender youth). Meanwhile he also offering a stark choice to obstructionist Republicans: Get on board with the agenda or accept responsibility for sabotaging the nation.

• Five people (including two law enforcement officers and the suspect) are dead following a hours-long standoff at a home in North Carolina, in which the suspected shooter may have committed suicide after killing his parents and the officers.

• Today in "UGH, this asshole again?": Retired loser Donald Trump is reportedly very excited about a doomed Arizona Republican attempt to overturn the votes of Maricopa County with the help of a cyber company headed by an election fraud conspiracy theorist. (Apparently Trump doesn't realize how much we all enjoy watching him repeatedly lose.)

• In other Republican domestic terrorist news: "In Whitmer kidnapping plot, extremists also wanted to blow up a bridge, feds say."

• Trump's former senior racist advisor and ghoul Stephen Miller is leading a group that's suing the Biden administration for (get this) racism against white farmers. (I apologize if reading that sentence made your eyes roll out of your head.)

• Five people have been arrested in the shooting of Lady Gaga's dog walker, and according to the LAPD, four of the suspects have gang ties, but don't believe the dog walker was targeted because of his celebrity employer.

• Need some guaranteed laughs? Then don't miss the I, Anonymous Show (Livestream edition) featuring nutzo rants and hilarious commentary from comedians Neeraj Srinivasan, Sam Tallent, Steph Tolev, and your host Kate Murphy—coming at ya Wednesday, May 5! (Act now for a FREE ticket option!)

• HUMP! HUMP! HUMP! If you enjoy sexy stuff (and I know you do), get your tickets NOW for HUMP's Greatest Hits, Volume 3—debuting this Friday—and featuring some of the best short sex flicks from 15 years of HUMP! HUMP! HUMP!

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• And now... THE WEATHER REPORT: Scattered showers return tomorrow with a high of 62.

• And finally, I second this emotion.