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House Republicans cancel Liz Cheney for refusing to lie about Trump.
House Republicans cancel Liz Cheney for refusing to lie about Trump. Chip Somodevilla / Staff / Getty

GOOD MORNING, PORTLAND! Senses telling me you're looking, I can feel it on my skin. Boy, I wonder what would happen if I trip and let you in. LET'S GO TO PRESS.

IN LOCAL NEWS:

• Yesterday Gov. Kate Brown announced some heartening news: As soon as 70 percent of Oregonians 16 and over receive their first dose of the COVID-19 vaccine, the statewide safety restrictions will be lifted. What's more, starting May 21 counties will be moved into the "Lower Risk" tier—meaning that most food and entertainment establishments can operate at 50 percent capacity—after 65 percent of the county's residents have received at least one dose. Our Isabella Garcia has the details.

• Many people of color cannot afford to either rent or buy homes in just about any neighborhood in Portland, according to a new housing report, since the price of having a place to live has outpaced actual income growth.

• Oregon lawmakers plan on sending an extra $300 million to school districts around the state, because if you haven't noticed, they really need it!

• The Lot at Zidell Yards—a new outdoor event space that neighbors OHSU's buildings on the South waterfront—announced a full lineup of summer concerts, including Ural Thomas & The Pain, Y La Bamba, Federale, and more, as well as a fun slate of films. Our Blair Stenvick has more!

IN NATIONAL NEWS:

• To the surprise of absolutely no one, the Republican party has once again chosen lies over truth and have dumped Rep. Liz Cheney from her number 3 leadership position for the dastardly crime of calling out the lies of their lying lord and master, Donald Trump.

• Meanwhile more than 100 influential Republicans are threatening the GOP to change the stupid pro-Trump course they're on, or they'll be forced to start a new party. (Just spitballing here, but maybe a good name would be the "Less Deplorable" party.)

• Former officer Derek Chauvin—who murdered George Floyd by kneeling on his neck for nine and a half minutes—is scheduled to be sentenced next month, but the judge is already indicating he may give him a "longer than normal" sentence.

• The National Rifle Association's corrupt attempt to declare bankruptcy and reorganize in Texas was thwarted by a federal judge, which means a New York legal pursuit to dissolve the organization can now proceed. HEE-HEE-HEE.

• The Palestinian militant group Hamas has confirmed that its Gaza City commander was killed in an Israeli airstrike yesterday, bringing the two closer to what many fear will be an all-out war.

• Gas stations across the Southeast US are running out of fuel as people begin panic-buying following the cyberattack of the Colonial Pipeline. (And these same people are already behaving exactly as you might expect.

• After 19 seasons, Ellen Degeneres is leaving her daytime talk show, saying it is no longer a challenge for her—though one would think the many charges of workplace toxicity would make it very challenging.

• You want to look GOOD, true or false? If "true," you'll want to purchase a new, wicked awesome Mercury T-shirt... just in time for tee season!

Support The Portland Mercury

• HUMP! HUMP! HUMP! If you enjoy sexy stuff (and I know you do), get your tickets NOW for HUMP's Greatest Hits, Volume 3—THIS WEEKEND—featuring some of the best short sex flicks from 15 years of HUMP! HUMP! HUMP!

• And now... THE WEATHER REPORT: Another mostly sunny day with a high of 78!

• And finally, RIP the person who's Zoom screen name is "Buttfucker 3000."