This weekend Sarah Mirk and I found ourselves in N. Lombard's Mousetrap Tavern drinking on the cheap and singing karaoke (we were so good the KJ hugged us! Service!) I left to use the bathroom when what to my wondering eyes should appear but a vending machine filled with ribbed condoms, edible oils and this peculiar little manual:


It only took fifty cents for me to become the proud owner of Erotic Sensual Positions: A Guide to Modern Intimacy. The back of this matchbook-size tome trumpets: "An Exciting Guide that INCREASES AROUSAL For Lovers" featuring "Modern illustrations of 12 sexual positions". Needless to say I was pretty pumped to get my hands on some modern examples of sexuality (I'm so tired of my erotic cave rubbings and shunga scrolls).

Straight from the "masters of carnal knowledge" at National Sanitary Laboratories Inc, Erotic Sensual Positions: A Guide to Modern Intimacy is some pretty hot stuff! When I came from lunch today I even found Floyd reading it in my bedroom, licking himself!

Go to your litterbox to do that!
  • Go to your litterbox to do that!

If it's good enough for a cat then I figure it's good enough for Blogtown! I posted some of my favorites below the jump. Are you guys ready to become masters of (weird, possibly dangerous) carnal knowledge? Read on! (NSFW obvs)

Ultimate Embrace
  • Ultimate Embrace

Ultimate Embrace: Lovers are straddling eachother tightly for deep penetration. This allows eye contact, soft caresses and passionate kissing.

Reclining Bliss
  • Reclining Bliss

Reclining Bliss: Lovers sit facing eachother, joined at the middle with her legs wrapped around his back. She leans back on her elbows to change the angle and increase the pleasure.

The Unicycle
  • The Unicycle

The Unicycle: He assumes the bottom position, lifting his lower back up, supported by his arms. She mounts him supporting herself with her legs and controls penetration depth by bending her knees.

  • X-Factor

X Factor: The man assumes a rigid reclining position with elbows locked, hips up. The woman faces the opposite direction and straddles the man, joining in the middle

  • Master-in-training

Forbidden Pleasure
  • Forbidden Pleasure

Forbidden Pleasure: While kneeling before his lover, he lifts her hips and puls her forward to enter her anally. He places her legs behind him. She is supported by her shoulders and uses her legs to move up and down.

Supporting Raise
  • Supporting Raise

Supporting Raise: After he penetrates her from a supported position, she is raised up with her feet locked behind his head. Use your arms to pull yourselves together.

Working in the Garden
  • Working in the Garden

Working In The Garden: She reclines on her back with legs together, feet pointing to the ceiling. While kneeling on her hands and knees, he backs into her. Both can take turns rolling back and forth to maximize your pleasure.

Pleasure My Love
  • Pleasure My Love

Pleasure My Love: The woman stands with her bottom slightly out and feet spread while her lover sits on the floor pleasuring her with his mouth from behind. She controls this position.

Bicycle Pump
  • Bicycle Pump

Bicycle Pump: [how Portland!] The man is on his knees facing her while she lies face up on the bed. He wraps her feet around his neck and rocks forward, holding and lifting the woman's hips and lower back off the bed while moving in and out of her.

  • Floyd!!