As a cannabis columnist, I receive a fairly large number of cannabis products for review. This week, I’m going to knock out some quick reviews for a bevy of items. Most of them are real, but one is fake.


When I saw the shipping label for this, my first thought was, “Is this a cannabis-based S&M spanking tool?” Thankfully, I was wrong, mostly due to the fact that those things don’t exist, and it’s a stupid idea. In reality, CannaSmack is a line of hemp-infused lip balms and body and skin creams. It’s high-quality stuff, free of parabens, gluten, sulfates, THC, and cruelty, and made here in the US. They have a variety of strain-flavored lip balms, including Blue Dream, Pineapple Express, and Maui Wowie. The company is woman-owned and Utah-based, and has a very cool list of company values. You want to support a worthy small business that has some great products? Of course you do. Smooth lips and skin rule.


We all have our own ideas as to what constitutes the Ninth Circle of Hell, and—along with having our current Dictator-in-Chief in power—cleaning glass pieces is mine. I’ve created entirely new curse words during the comedy of errors that emerges when I pour cleaning fluids into my bong and glass pipes, then shake them while I sadly attempt to cover all the openings with my hands. Fluids now infused with bong gunk spray everywhere; I shriek; the cat goes tearing out of the room—it’s not pretty. Thankfully, the folks at Colorado-based Resolution must have heard my screams of anguish, because they sent me these simple but insanely useful Res Caps. The set of silicon caps come in three sizes, and as the website states “allow you to universally stretch and seal for an airtight fit over glass water pipes, steamrollers, and other glass accessories.” You can also use them for travel and “scent blocking,” because sometimes you don’t want to smell like a bong. They come in three colors, and a set will only run you $16. I should have thought of these myself, but I did not.

Support The Portland Mercury


No, not the Oregon-based coffee chain. And not the Black Keys side project with a cavalcade of hip-hop stars (check that out, though—BlakRoc. You’re welcome.) This small business, also based in Colorado, makes on-the-go stash kits for flower and dabs. (Not that your repurposed sandwich baggie with papers, weed, and a lighter doesn’t look badass and totally pro. It does, really.) Hear me out—these things are sweet. Black Rock’s sturdy, soft-sided zipper cases allow you to select your own implements for consumption, or build upon an existing kit. Mine came with a credit card-sized, all-metal weed grinder card, a bat, papers, a mini silicone mat for prepping dab hits, a dabbing tool, and tiny medical grade silicone boxes called “pebbles,” which are smell-proof and hold flower or concentrates. They offer a two-year warranty on all their products. Up your cannabis case game, playa.


This locally made product fills a gaping need in the cannabis community. We’ve all found ourselves in a smoking session with at least one backwards-baseball-cap-wearing broheim who breaks the mood with his endless monologue of how dank the five pounds he grew from a single HPS light were, and how mad terpy these dabs he keeps talking about but never actually loads into the rig are. (Did he just take your dab? He did, for the third time.) Simply spray a few spritzes of this all-natural formula made from essential oils of feminism and extracts of racial/gender political discourse, and watch him scramble to collect his backpack and bail. Repeated applications may be necessary if said bro is a roommate.