Let_s_Do_it.jpg
Illustration: Erika Moen
If you’ve seen Louie and Maron, you know that comics do not seem like safe bets for relationships. You may be inevitably drawn to comedians anyway: their confidant performance skills, their straight-forward opinions, the way they masterfully control the audience, and the way they artfully pull laughs from your body… begging the question WHAT ELSE COULD THEY DO TO MY BODY?! I’ve always thought comedians are hot. I can’t bang them, because I don’t shit where I stand on stage and talk to audiences about airplane food. But YOU can date them! It’s Bridgetown Comedy Festival weekend after all. Last year I informed you readers how to amorously approach a comic; here are some tips for dating a comic and some hard-won romantic truths from the artists themselves.

Read the truth and see these folks perform THIS WEEKEND. Tickets, passes, and VIP entry are still available, GET IT!

“If you are the least bit jealous don't date a comedian. We stay out late and we kinda want everyone to love us. We need near constant reassurance, especially starting out. The best relationship I've had was with a single mother, because she knew how to give love to a needy baby. The worst relationship I've had was with another comedian, because comedians are awful and you shouldn't date them.” - James Fritz (@fritzisdead)

More upbeat wisdom AFTER THE JUMP...

“Comedians get a bad rap in the dating world and we only mostly earn it. We can be emotional roller coasters, and it will be a fun ride, but make sure to be ready for some high highs and some very low lows.” - Abby Rosenquist (@AbbyRosenquist)

“Look, there's probably a lot of shit in this article about how dating comics is bad, but honestly if you wanna date a comic, that's fine. Who else are you gonna date? A guy with a sublime tattoo? A lady who hula-hoops in public? BORING. Comics are just as shitty as other people, but at least they'll be harder on themselves than they are on you.” - Josh Androsky (@ShutUpAndrosky)

“It's their job to be funny on and off stage, so if they tell a story about you in public and it's not strictly true, just let it slide. Jokes never get funnier if you fact check them.” - Alex Falcone (@alex_falcone)

“We have weird schedules and we're not always funny in real life. Don't date anyone who wants to meet for the first time at one of their shows, and DEFINITELY don't date anyone who wants to meet for the first time at an open mic.” - Ella Gale (@hellakale)

“No matter how much you love spending time with someone and share their interests, go be your own damn person here and there.” - Abby Rosenquist (@AbbyRosenquist)

“Accept that you're into whatever you're into, and if it can be done by consenting adults, pursue it. But also remember that sex and romance are only one part of life, and don't be afraid to fiercely pursue other passions.” - Ella Gale (@hellakale)

“At every stage of a relationship, it's more interesting to ask a question than announce your opinion.” - Alex Falcone (sorry ladies, he’s married - @alex_falcone)

I’ll also add my two cents, of course. Dating a comic is like dating any other artist. My partner knows that right after a show, I crave peace and solitude; if I’m audience deprived, I need him to pay attention to me. Whether you date comics or guys with Sublime tattoos, I hope you all remember that dating is communication. Nine times out of 10, our conflicts in relationships come down to a simple communication problem. Or you/they don’t know what they want. The first communication breakdown is between your head and your heart (and your junk probably).

Special thanks to wisdom from: James Fritz, Ella Gale, Abby Rosenquist, Josh Androsky, and Alex Falcone - These folks may not be household names, but they've been brought in from all over the country because THEY ARE GREAT - follow the links to find out when they are playing in your fair city this weekend. And follow the Portland Mercury on IG to get an EYEFULL of me and all my comedy buds all weekend with my nightly INSTAGRAM TAKEOVER. Oh, and especially do not miss our special Bridgetown/Mercury presentation, "The Court of I, Anonymous" this Friday! Hosted by ME!

Wishing you great sex and a glorious BRIDGETOWN COMEDY FESTIVAL,
@BriPruett