• The Vera Katz statue on the Eastbank Esplanade

• The Slurpee dispenser at Plaid Pantry on Burnside that dispenses human souls

• Every square inch of Mall 205

• The bread aisle of the Hawthorne Fred Meyer

• Those two basketball hoops off to the side of the main court at Laurelhurst Park

• The car wash on 82nd with the billboard that, for some reason, features a picture of Keri Russell

• The Church of Scientology

• The on-ramp to I-84 from I-5

• The Oregon Zoo’s flamingo exhibit

• The tiny Hollywood Theatre inside Portland International Airport

• Every yoga studio

• Clackamas

• The downtown Starbucks near the west side of the Hawthorne Bridge... no, not that one... the other one... no, the other one

• Dante’s pizza window

• The dog-poo-bag dispenser at Col. Summers Park

• OPB

• Satan’s ballsack (across the street from Powell’s)

• Every street sign that former mayor Sam Adams has scrubbed free of graffiti

• The Barbers: Where Guys Go for Great Cuts™

• Any Zillow home listing with a zestimate under 300k

• George Morlan Plumbing

• Most bikini barista drive-thrus

• OMSI’s fetus exhibit (duh)