This Week’s Question: What’s Your Favorite Fun Summer Activity?
“I like to cook up some ribs on the ol’ barbecue on the deck and tip back some cold ones with my buddies and my wonderful wife!” —Jeff Willford, Beaverton
Jeff, you are a tedious, shit-for-brains IMBECILE. Thanks for BORING ME TO FUCKING DEATH—just bury me with your friends who died from salmonella poisoning. RING RING! Who’s that? Oh, it’s your friends calling! They can’t attend your patio party because they’re either DEAD or still shitting blood from the medium-rare E. coli you served them last year! RING RING! Oh, say, it’s your wife! She can’t come to your little party either, because she’s leaving you—for anyone else in the world. She also mentioned that you’re boring, your cooking sucks, and your dick doesn’t work.—Frank Cassano