When professional stuntman Steven Ho sticks a collapsible samurai sword into Conan O’Brien’s gut, it results in the most impressive and hilarious blood bath you’ll see all morning. (Unless you’re me. It’s not even 11 am, and I’ve already caused three hilarious blood baths.)

Bang bang, choo-choo train, let me see you shake that thang. Wm. Steven Humphrey is the editor-in-chief of the Portland Mercury and has held the job since 2000. (So don’t get any funny ideas.)