Dear Mansplainer: Let me be very clear: I do not have a question, okay? I’m not asking you anything. I do not need your advice, nor do I need your opinion… I just want to say something, and I want you to listen. Just hear my words, and don’t respond. Take what I’m saying, put it in your brain, think about it, and give my words their full weight. However, under no circumstance do I want or need you to respond. For once in your life, please, please, please do not utter a single, solitary….—Janet Forester, Southeast Portland
Janet, allow me to interrupt! What you don’t seem to understand—and I’m happy to explain it to you—is that my highly valued opinions aren’t just for women… even though they need it most. My goal is to educate—or man-ducate, if you prefer—the world. I feel it’s my sacred duty to constantly remind everyone on Twitter and Facebook that they haven’t really put enough thought into their arguments. My overriding purpose is to impose logic and order into the chaotic world of emotion-driven thought.
Example: Let’s imagine Hollywood was making an all-female version of Fight Club. You’d be thrilled and perhaps even giddy, correct? My job is to quickly interrupt, point out that you’re being hysterical, and then correctly label your opinions as toxic femininity.