• The Vera Katz statue on the Eastbank Esplanade
• The Slurpee dispenser at Plaid Pantry on Burnside that dispenses human souls
• Every square inch of
Mall 205
• The bread aisle of the Hawthorne Fred Meyer
• Those two basketball hoops off to the side of the main court at Laurelhurst Park
• The car wash on 82nd with the billboard that, for some reason, features a picture of Keri Russell
• The Church of Scientology
• The on-ramp to I-84
from I-5
• The Oregon Zoo’s flamingo exhibit
• The tiny Hollywood Theatre inside Portland International Airport
• Every yoga studio
• Clackamas
• The downtown Starbucks near the west side of the Hawthorne Bridge… no, not that one… the other one… no, the other one
• Dante’s pizza window
• The dog-poo-bag dispenser at Col. Summers Park
• OPB
• Satan’s ballsack
(across the street from Powell’s)
• Every street sign that former mayor Sam Adams has scrubbed free of graffiti
• The Barbers: Where Guys Go for Great Cuts™
• Any Zillow home listing with a zestimate under 300k
• George Morlan Plumbing
• Most bikini barista
drive-thrus
• OMSI’s fetus exhibit (duh)