“Hello, 9-1-1? I have a serious Christmas tree problem on my hands! YES, THIS IS A FUCKING EMERGENCY! I need the ‘Christmas Tree Doctors’ stat! Ummm… and if it’s not too much to ask, can one of them be… well, you know… gay?”


Hat tips to Everything is Terrible!

Bang bang, choo-choo train, let me see you shake that thang. Wm. Steven Humphrey is the editor-in-chief of the Portland Mercury and has held the job since 2000. (So don’t get any funny ideas.)