For the third consecutive year, Portland Beer Week promises to provide another welcome excuse to tipsily prove our superiority in consuming massive amounts of glutenful pints and apparently enjoy the longest week in the history of ever (11 whole days, which makes said "week" technically closer to being a fortnight, guys). Kicking off tonight (June 6) with a party at the Lucky Lab Beer Hall (1945 NW Quimby) and featuring four whole festivals, several dinners with guest chefs like Vitaly Paley (of Paley's Place, Imperial) and Jason French (of Ned Ludd), and other shenanigans like the Portland Beer Games (what?!), brewers around town have conspired to help beer fans have a lot of fun through June 16th. Check out the full calendar of events here or follow my advice and check out these events that just look too good to pass up:

Beer + Boobs Stripcrawl Tour: What's more patriotic (specifically to Portland) than drinking lots of beer at several strip clubs? Brewvana will safely escort you and other fans of the finer things in life to three of Portland's favorite nude establishments for $30 on Friday, June 7. You'll still need to bring dollar bills and beer money, but you'll save a bundle on cab fare.
Pickup at 8:45 pm at EastBurn (1800 E Burnside).

Portland Fruit Beer Festival: June 8-9 marks the third annual celebration of fruity brews, outside in the probably sunny parking lot of Burnside Brewing. At least 26 breweries will be bringing their fruit-flavored brews and ciders to the event, and $20 admission wins you a tasting glass and 12 tickets (each good for a 4 oz taste of most offerings). The festival runs 11 am to 9 pm Saturday, June 7 and 11 am to 6 pm Sunday, June 8, so show up this weekend to discover your new favorite summer sipper.
Burnside Brewing Co. is located at 701 E. Burnside.

Mussels from Brussels: A competition in which $25 lands you a pound of mussels with a secret sauce from Upright Brewing Pfriem Family Brewers, Lompoc Brewing and The Commons Brewery; beer pairings from each aforementioned brewery; and a vote for your favorite pairing - Doesn't sound like there's a real loser at this delicious contest at Bazi Brasserie on Sunday, June 9 from 4-10.
Bazi Brasserie is located at 1522 Southeast 32nd.

Lompoc Sci-Fi IPA Movie Night at Hollywood Theatre: Watch the Terminator 1 and 2 on 35 mm this Flag Day for $8 and try as many cleverly named Lompoc beers as you can before Arnold's face gets too blurry. I'm going to start with a Ryes of the Machines IPA and go from there.
Friday, June 14 from 7:30-11:30 at the Hollywood Theatre (4122 NE Sandy).