Tonight at 6 pm Portland time, Fox News will be hosting what is probably the final debate before the Iowa caucuses. (Come back, Donald Trump! All is forgiven!)

What kind of a hot mess will we be seeing tonight? Will Mitt Romney continue his assault on the "zany" Newt Gingrich? Will Ron Paul, fresh off his Andrew Sullivan endorsement, manage to contain his crazy long enough to convince independent-minded Republicans to go his way? Will Rick Santorum challenge science to a boxing match onstage, or will he just continue to proudly wave his own fecal matter around? Will Rick Perry use the word "lynching" in a not-so-sly attempt to attract even more bigots to his campaign? Which Michele Bachmann will we get—the surprisingly effective anti-"Newt Romney" bulldog of the last debate, or the loopy home-schooler who waxes creepily poetic about "innocent little twelve-year-old girls" while staring at the wrong camera?

I... cannot... wait.