Pool? Yawn. Darts? They would be fun if we actually got to
throw them at something other than that stupid board. Pinball? Sure, we
enjoy flipping the paddle and smacking the ball around, but we can do
that at home—and we don’t need quarters. That’s why we uncovered
some of our city’s less conventional bar games for this year’s drinking
issue. So head on out there, throw down a few, and get competitive!
Slingshot Lounge
5532 SE Center, 445-6649
None of the games at this SE Foster haunt involve an actual
slingshot (Boo! False advertising!), but the Slingshot Lounge has the
next best thing. That’s right—they just opened their new game
room a couple months ago, and air hockey is on the docket.
There’s no better sound than the crack of the mallet hitting the puck,
and no sweeter sight than the look of defeat on your friend’s face as
you whip another one right by his useless wrist.
Fremont Ridge Inn
5103 NE Fremont, 288-2515
Jenga is a fun game, but it’s not nearly dangerous enough.
This Northeast dive has the right idea: Instead of using lame-ass
little pieces, you play with a stack of foot-long two-by-fours. Now
you’re talking! When the loser pulls the wrong block, KER-ASH! The
tower will topple, and you’d best get out of its way… quick like. Oh,
and if it smashes that nearby big-screen TV, guess what? You’re buying
it.
Vendetta
4306 N Williams, 288-1085
As if a giant patio and sloppy joes on the menu weren’t enough,
Vendetta offers free shuffleboard, a game that only gets easier
as you drink. Plus, there’s some tripped-out art directly above the
table—something for you to focus on when the spins kick in. And
the best part? If you should need to let one rip after all those sloppy
joes, your date’s all the way at the other end, more than 20 feet away.
So salt up the table and let those pucks slide!
Grand Central Restaurant
and Bowling Lounge
839 SE Morrison, 236-2695
While there’s a certain lowbrow joy to the classic bowling alleys that populate our town, have you ever experienced slipping into
brand-new/not-smelly shoes, and rolling a perfectly unchipped spherical
ball down a non-warped lane, and having your score calculated by
state-of-the-art equipment? Then by all means, get thee to the newly
renovated Grand Central Bowling Lounge, and enjoy a super fancy
cocktail while you’re at it.
Leisure Public House
8002 N Lombard, 289-7606
So what the heck is bocce ball, anyway? Well, it’s kind of
like croquet, except without the fun of swinging a giant hammer. This
St. Johns hangout has a gravel bocce ball court out on the patio; on a
nice day, bring a friend, and pretend you’re old Italian men. Better
yet, bring a REAL old Italian man. Maybe he can tell you how to
actually play the damn game.
The Nest
1801 NE Alberta, 282-0230
I was but a wee tyke, but for some reason I remember hearing during
the ’88 presidential race that George Bush the Elder’s favorite game
was horseshoes. “What a candyass,” thought I, “Go Dukakis!” But
as it turns out, horseshoes is pretty damn fun, especially with the aid
of a few libations. It comes with its own lingo, too! So, step on out
to the “pit” and let those “heel calks” fly. If you “pitch” the most
“ringers” or “leaners,” you’ll be the “winner,” and your opponent the
“Dukakis.”
Green Dragon Bistro & Brewpub
928 SE 9th, 517-0660
Dear Green Dragon,
I love you. Really, I do. I love your convenient inner-Southeast
location. I love your umpteen-thousand taps of beers that I’ve never
heard of. And I LOVE your foosball table—it’s a Tornado,
which everyone knows is the finest brand of foosball tables. But
PLEASE. I can’t play in the dark. I am not Buffalo Bill; I don’t wear
night vision goggles. How about turning a light on over your gorgeous,
glorious foosball table so I can actually see what the fuck I’m doing?
Okay?
Basement Pub
1028 SE 12th, 231-6068
We’ve mentioned a lot of fine games here, but these all pale in
comparison to the majesty that is No Respect: The Rodney Dangerfield
Game. Tucked away in the Basement Pub’s overflowing shelf of board
games, Milton Bradley’s finest achievement is a surefire recipe for
hours of number-stacking fun. Never mind the insanely complicated
10-page rule booklet or the drably incomprehensible game board; we’re
talking Dangerfield here, and as the great man said in
Caddyshack, “Hey everybody, we’re all gonna get laid!” Now
that’s a game where everyone wins.