I think we all agree it’s bullshit that at age 18 you’re “old enough
to die for your country, but not old enough to have a beer.” If folks
could stop uttering that statement like they’ve just thought of
something profound, the world would be an incrementally less inane
place. Rather than viewing the period between ages 18-21 as the “years
in which our government values the enforcement of overzealous liquor
laws over our lives,” I prefer to think of them as an opportunity for
young people to learn how to drink with a modicum of class, while
getting a few of the inevitable embarrassing and idiotic drunken
exploits out of their systems. You’re at college, in a relatively
controlled environment—what better place to explore the line
between blacking out and alcohol poisoning, or between getting laid and
getting Chlamydia? But once 21 rolls around and the now-seasoned
college drinker makes their formal debut into the society of adults,
it’s time to bid farewell to keg stands and beer pong, and make sure
once and for all that no matter how drunk you are, you can still get
the condom on. (Practice this if you have to. It should roll right
down. If you have to force it, you’re doing something wrong.) Once
you’ve hit the magic 21, here are a few places to exercise your
newfound freedom and still stumble safely back to the dorms.
Portland State University
PSU is many things to many people, with a campus plopped square in
the heart of the city and a student body composed largely of commuters
and part-timers. I’ve heard it can be hard for new students to make
friends, so here’s my official prescription for insta-bonding: drunken
karaoke at Suki’s (2401 SW 4th). Shame, regret, and public
humiliation—those are the bonds that last a lifetime. Those
committed to less exhibitionist means of recreation might try the
Cheerful Tortoise (1939 SW 6th), a quintessential college sports
bar with all the good and bad that such a term implies. And since PSU
also hosts a fair number of returning students, this one’s for you,
oldsters: Candlelight Room (2032 SW 5th) is a venerable blues
bar that apparently doubles as a prowl-zone for middle-age singles
looking to get a piece. Hot!
Reed College
When you throw a whole bunch of highly intelligent, socially awkward
teenagers into close, academically challenging quarters, an
unsurprising truth emerges: Reed students like to get fucked up! I
learned everything I know about gravity bongs, the recreational use of
prescription pills, and drug-induced panic attacks on that picturesque
little campus. The social life of the college revolves around the
library, and so bars provide a valuable opportunity for Reed College
students (they call themselves “Reedies,” but that doesn’t mean we have
to) to practice interacting with the commoners. For Reed students still
leery of the outside world, the labyrinthine Pub at the End of the
Universe (4107 SE 28th) provides a comfortable home-away-from-dorm,
with a self-selecting clientele that appreciates Hitchhiker’s
Guide references, an atmosphere that evokes a basement rec room,
and a better-than-average selection of beer taps. Closer to campus is
the popular Delta Café (4607 SE Woodstock), a
hipster enclave whose Southern-inspired food is less impressive than
the fact that they serve 40s of PBR in a champagne bucket. You’re in
Portland now, kids.
Lewis & Clark College
You gotta feel a little bit bad for L&C students, stuck out
there on the margins of the city, a bus ride away from downtown. Sure,
the campus is gorgeous, but the lack of walkable nightlife has to hurt
a little. Still, though, college kids will find a way. The Tryon
Creek Sports Bar (8610 SW Terwilliger) is a mere mile away—as
drunken stumbles go, not terrible, so you can pound a brewski, watch
the big game, and pretend you’re at some big university with a thriving
meathead scene instead of a hippie liberal arts school in the middle of
commie pinko Portland. Lewis & Clark’s proximity to suburbia does
offer its students some unique drinking opportunities—case in
point, the Hi Hat Lounge (11530 SW Pacific Hwy, Tigard). Okay, I
don’t actually know if the Hi Hat is a Lewis & Clark hangout or
not, but it should be. The funky little karaoke lounge is the
type of place that seems to only exist in the suburbs, largely
uncorrupted by the non-native but highly invasive irony of us urban
types. Plus, drinks in the deep suburbs are usually cheaper and
occasionally stiffer than drinks in the city, and it’s way more likely
that you’ll be the coolest person in the room if the room is in
Tigard.
PCC-Cascade
Portland Community College students are a motley assortment of folks
united by the fact that they haven’t been suckered into paying $40
grand a year to major in being a trophy wife. (Apologies to the liberal
arts students, but seriously. Good luck with that comparative lit
degree.) While community colleges aren’t exactly known for their wild
party scenes, there are still some bars in the neighborhood worth
frequenting. Mere blocks away from campus, The Florida Room (435
N Killingsworth) specializes in all things deep-fried—swing by
before school for some tater tots and a Bloody Mary, guaranteed to
quell any lingering hangover in plenty of time for that evening
veterinary pharmacology class, or reward yourself for a hard day of
studying with live music and a stiff drink at nearby Pshaw (825
N Killingsworth).
University of Portland
This is all we know about U of P: They believe in God, and they have
a very good women’s soccer team. Located in University Park in deep
North Portland, near St. Johns, students at the Catholic university do
their drinking in some decidedly un-Christian establishments. The divey
Twilight Room (5242 N Lombard) boasts lots of taps, live music,
and decorative vestiges of U of P history, so when you’re getting
sloppy you know you’re part of a fine university tradition. Or unleash
your inner singer/songwriter at the nearby Portsmouth Pizza &
Pub (5264 N Lombard), a spacious venue with pool tables and live
music. A few extra blocks will deliver you to Lombard’s newest drinking
treasure, Leisure (8002 N Lombard), which, along with beer and
wine, hosts outdoor ping pong, an actual bocce ball court(!!), and
plenty of those dark make-out corners you college kids like so
much.