See? This is what happens when you keep heaping scorn on Californians—THEY HEAP SCORN BACK UPON YOU. As you may have heard, Portland's Voodoo Doughnuts will be opening a new location at Universal Studios CityWalk in Los Angeles. And while most cities have welcomed Voodoo with open arms... LA? Not so much. From Los Angeles Magazine, here is an article sharply titled, "Dear Portland: Keep Your Stupid Doughnuts."

Why, Portland? Why did you do this? You gave L.A. three absolute bangers in Pok Pok, Blue Star, and Salt & Straw, and then go and throw us a place that got famous via Travel Channel shows for sticking pretzels into anthropomorphized fried dough? Get it? It’s a voodoo doll! Because Voodoo Doughnuts!

We don’t need more kitschy baked goods in L.A.—we have the doughnuts-topped-with-silly-things lane covered better than any city in America—and we certainly don’t need a cream-filled “Cock-N-Balls” doughnut (it totally should have been called a “dicknut” anyways).

Maybe it’s our fault for holding you on such a high pedestal, Portland. Maybe it was selfish of us to think that we could take your good without accepting your bad. Maybe this is all a gross overreaction to a theme park adding in a money-making turnkey tourist trap. But that doesn’t make it hurt any less.

Mmm... LOOK, DUM-DUM. We're not saying that Voodoo is anything less than a pretty good comedy doughnut—but PLEASE DO NOT EVEN PRETEND that the Universal CityWalk is some magical land of fantastic dining. Because, AHEM: Bubba Gump Shrimp Co., Hard Rock Cafe, Cinnabon, Johnny Rockets, Tony Roma's, Wolfgang Puck Bistro, and KFC Express. Voodoo Doughnut will be the least plastic joint there.

Here's a little salve for that burn.


UPDATE: We're not mad at each other anymore.