Nearly a year ago, the Mercury published a food issue concerning, for the most part, how to feed oneself when times get tough. Among pieces about emergency food boxes from the Oregon Food Bank, casseroles, and depression era recipes, we indulged in a Cheap Food Challenge. Being the new kid at the time (I still am, I suppose), I decided the best way to make friends with my colleagues was to have them compete for my favorable opinion on a scavenged, begged, or otherwise cheaply procured meal.

The rules were simple: create a flavorful, well-presented, multi-course meal for under $5. In the end, Team Skinner/Caraeff—spending a measly $3.99—took top honors, and I failed to win friends in the office. Here’s a re-cap:

…these two put in a stunning entry. The main reason they won can be summed up in a single word: booze. These two know the way to my seething alcoholic heart. In fact, much of their budget was spent on a tiny airline bottle of vodka. Mixing this with juice from an organic grapefruit, picked out of a food co-op free box, was a coup. Not only was the cocktail tasty, but it paired well with the organic broccoli rabe, which had a lovely vinegar tang and a slight smoky flavor. The rabe, along with most of their ingredients, also came from the nameless co-op, and I am proud they lowered themselves to begging from hippies.

The potatoes were excellent and chunky and the rice pudding was surprisingly good. However, the grilled cheese was a bit disappointing, mostly due to tough bread and the inclusion of lettuce. Lettuce? On a grilled cheese?

Still, I was enjoying the cocktail too much to care about a sub-par sandwich, or Ezra’s incessant reminder that everything was “organic” and “local.” Just take your blue ribbon and let papa drink in peace.

What does this have to do with the New York Times? Nothing much… If you think Frank Bruni stealing your ideas is no big whoop. Consider this from an article entitled Comrades at Arms: Two Food Writers in a Kitchen Smackdown, from today’s NYT food section:

I HALF expected tuna casserole. With a mesclun salad to start — if I got lucky.

That’s not to say I don’t attribute extraordinary culinary prowess to my colleagues and dear friends Kim Severson and Julia Moskin, whose desks, I should point out, bracket my own, putting me in a sort of cubicle chokehold. We sit within what I only recently came to regard as slapping distance of one another.

But less than $8.50 a person for a full dinner? I didn’t see how this budget allowed for much strutting, not even from home cooks as gifted and resourceful as these two kitchen goddesses. Have I mentioned the office seating arrangement?

Damn you, Bruni!!!! At least we had the decency to set our limit below $5. And at least I had the balls (stupidity?) to choose a winner, regardless of the backlash. Not so with Frank:

And the best dinner was …

Neither! By which I mean both! It was a tie — between the officemate on one side, just a glare away, and the one on the other, so close that her coffee could very easily spill on my keyboard, right on deadline.

Pussy*. I braved both glares and coffee… Hot coffee, spilled on my crotch!

I guess I have to give it to Bruni and the NYT for being inspired by the Mercury’s prescient brilliance. If you’re going to steal, do it from the best… Right, guys? Also, it was brave to set the dinner challenge at $8.50 a head. That must have been painful. I can’t believe you managed.

Lucky for all of us, the menus and recipes are provided. Wish I would have thought of that.

*Ha! Just kidding, Frank. I love your work. Really. And… um, you know if there’s ever an opening there in New York, just give me a ring. I mean it’s not like I’m married to the Mercury or anything.** You know my number.

**Ha! Just kidding, Steve! I’ll never back out on those vows you made me take. I hope to continue providing content worthy of being copied by the NYT for years to come.