I think his eyebrow says "braci" (?!)

You’ve gotta read the description for the movie Beastly:

I think his eyebrow says braci (?!)
  • I think his eyebrow says “braci” (?!)

“Kyle Kingson (Alex Pettyfer) is 17 and has it all-—he’s hot, popular, rich, and gets whatever he wants… but he also has a vicious cruel side, fueled by his obsession with the ‘in crowd’ and his contempt for those who don’t fit in. Prone to mocking and humiliating outcast classmates, he zeroes in on goth girl Kendra (Mary-Kate Olsen), inviting her to the school’s extravagant environmental bash. Kendra accepts, and, true to form, Kyle blows her off in a particularly harsh fashion. She seeks revenge in the form of a spell that physically transforms him into someone unrecognizable-—and horribly unattractive. The only way to reverse the curse is to find someone who will love him in his new form-—a task he doesn’t think possible. Repulsed by his appearance, Kyle’s insensitive father (Peter Krause) banishes him to Brooklyn with a sympathetic housekeeper (Lisa Gay Hamilton) and blind tutor (Neil Patrick Harris). As Kyle ponders how to overcome the curse and get his old life back, he chances upon a drug addict in the act of killing a threatening dealer. Seizing the opportunity, Kyle promises the addict freedom and safety for his daughter Lindy (Vanessa Hudgens) if she will agree to live in Kyle’s Brooklyn home. Thus begins Kyle’s journey to discover true love.”

NOW: Let’s play “Count the Amazing Things in This Synopsis”!

I’ll start. The phrase “extravagant environmental bash.” There better be sustainable punch.

Your turn!

Mercury copy chief and appreciator of the most sophisticated form of comedy: PUNS!

10 replies on “<i>Beastly</i>‘s Film Synopsis: Let Us Count the Ways It Is Amazing”

  3. Because all drug addicts that kill their dealers must have beautiful and sensitive daughters waiting at home, ready to be sold to weird guys that blackmail their dad.

    Also, having no hair and interesting tattoos now makes you “unrecognizable-—and horribly unattractive?”

    Also, only “horribly unattractive?” Not hideous or repulsive, but mere unattractiveness? I guess that’s the lax spell casting you should expect when your outcast goth girl is Mary-Kate Olsen.

  6. That guy could *rule* 37th & Hawthorne, dethroning the guy who plays keyboard and shouts out songs in a key previously unknown to humankind.

  7. Todd don’t insult the piano man. That Kyle Kingson could find lots of love at the Hawthorne Theathre, Reed, or Lewis and Clark.

    I smell a bi-porn parody from the out-takes.

  9. I love the smell of bi-porn parodies in the morning!

    I call the piano man “Faux Bob” as he’s often mangling Dylan tunes. (At first I typed “paino man” which would be another good name for him.)

  10. Bi the way, aren’t they doing Good Morning, News! on Saturdays? They didn’t last Sat., and it’s 2:04 PM now. SLACKER ARSEOTROPES!

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