Today I went to Burger King AGAIN to continue my quest to obtain all four Star Trek promotional glasses. AND I’M NOT HAPPY ABOUT IT. Why? Because A) my duodenum has not forgiven me for eating an entire six-pack of BK Bukkake Shots last week, and B) I am very unhappy about this week’s Spock glass. In fact, I was already so angry, I ordered this:
I figured that eating an “Angry Whopper” would either counteract my anger (kind of like throwing gasoline to put out an electrical fire) or enrage me to the point where I could turn green and leap to the top of Mt. Hood where I would sob silently in my loneliness.
But really… what the fuck is up with the “Angry Whopper”? When I ordered it, I had NO IDEA what I was getting, but as the kraut billboard says, it’s a Whopper mit “jalapenos” und “angry onions”—which are in actuality broken onion rings someone left in the fryer too long. (Which I suppose would make me angry, too.) OH, and it also comes with bacon (ANGRY BACON!!), and an odd orange sauce that didn’t seem so angry as confused.
Unfortunately, it was delicious. BUT I WAS STILL FURIOUS ABOUT THE SPOCK GLASS, which you can read more about after the jump, if you are so inclined. Frankly, I’m too angry to care.
Anyway, here’s the Spock glass. And as mentioned last week, I do NOT approve of Old Spock on the same glass as new, sexy Spock. Jesus Christ, he looks like a burn victim! In fact, I can’t even bear to drink out of that side of the glass, because I’m afraid a) I’ll get “old cooties” and b) some of his old gross burnt skin will drop into my mouth.
Why would someone do something like that? Look at him! He obviously hates being on a super cool glass (because he’s old and hates anything awesome and newfangled), and as far as I’m concerned he didn’t belong in the movie either! The whole “aging mentor” character thing in sci-fi movies has been done to death, and the only difference between old Spock and Yoda is that Yoda’s got better skin. In fact, if you’re not going to put a picture of Spock ramming his tongue down Uhura’s throat on the glass, then just paste on a picture of Yoda! NOBODY GIVES A SHIT, because anything is better than OLD FUCKING SPOCK!!
ARRRGGHHH!!! ANGRY WHOPPER… GETTING… ANGRIER!!! ARMY SURROUNDING OFFICE! MUST JUMP TO TOP OF MOUNT HOOD!!! ARRRRGHHHHH!!!
(Sniff. Hump sad. No one like Hump. Sob.)
I’m guessing there’s a common word in German for angry and spicy. Like fiery.
OK, Steve, last year I offered you my Buffy lunchbox in exchange for an endorsement in my “race” against Sam!
You did not even interview me!
Bad karma be blessed! May a universe of Old Spock glasses haunt you through eternity! May Sam actually return from Belgium!
And go easy with old Dad Hood. He does not like southerners, or even midwesterners, sitting on his head.
Der Angry Whopper hat zu wenig Fleisch! Gemuese sind nicht wuetend genug! Ich will auch auf Wut Fressen!
One day, you’ll be lucky to be old and wrinkly. Have some respect. Leonard Nimoy is the original Spock and was an integral part of the movie. Yes, new Spock is sexy but old Spock was sexy in his day. Think of this: you will be thought of as old and with old cooties in the near future. Many people age poorly today due to diet, lack of exercise, over sun exposure and negativity. This actually affects how one looks.
How dare you insult Leonard Nimoy like that! In the movie Old Spock is about 200 years old! May we all look that good at that age! I do hope that your new glass gets broken or is lost to you forever! You do not deserve it!!!!
Send me the glass as I have been looking for one as was unable to find one. I will not be afraid to drink from it. I am serious, send me the glass please. I will be forever grateful and will cherish it!
You should be so lucky to find the Spock glass. In fact, if you found a Burger King that sold all four glasses at one time, you are very fortunate. I think Burger King really did a bad job on glass distribution to there locations. I think Burger King and Star Trek is an oxymoran. Where, for the most part, Star Trek stands for integrity where Burger King just the oposite.