When I agreed to research the temperatures at which things catch on fire, I figured it’d be easy: I’d Google some grad student’s science project and then spit the information back up.

But bewilderingly—and for this I blame every grad student on the planet—there is no such chart. I know! It’s ridiculous! So instead of an informative article that plagiarized some science nerd’s paper, here’s a decidedly uninformative survey of some random (and possibly incorrect) fire points. Experiment for yourself!

•Mobil 1 SuperSyn 5W-30 Motor Oil: 235º

•Paper (according to author Ray Bradbury): 451º

•Gasoline: 495º

•Cooking oil: 700º

•Wood (dry cedar): 745º

•Democracy (according to filmmaker/rhetorician Michael Moore): 911º

•Anakin Skywalker, as ignited by lava: 1,800-2,280º

•Human flesh, at sea level: 2,000º

•The Sun: 27,000,000º

With honor and distinction, Erik Henriksen served as the executive editor of the Portland Mercury from 2004 to 2020. He can now be found at henriksenactual.com.